Joke of the Day

**slimslob** · 08-27-2014

**Debs1964** · 08-27-2014

Originally Posted by slimslob

You may laugh, but a few years ago I took my friends son out with me for work experience, I asked him to vacuum something, but the vacuum cleaner wouldn't switch on, I asked him if he'd plugged it in and he looked at me as if I was stupid and pointed to the plug that was plugged into the storage socket on the vacuum cleaner itself...he never decided on a technical career lol

**fixthecopier** · 08-27-2014

Originally Posted by Debs1964

You may laugh, but a few years ago I took my friends son out with me for work experience, I asked him to vacuum something, but the vacuum cleaner wouldn't switch on, I asked him if he'd plugged it in and he looked at me as if I was stupid and pointed to the plug that was plugged into the storage socket on the vacuum cleaner itself...he never decided on a technical career lol

About 6 months ago, I was ask to take a look at an HP 9550 that was dead. The antique surge suppressor was a clue. I removed it and plugged into the wall, and she worked. I informed the customer.

About a month ago, I was servicing their other one and was ask to take a look at the one down the hall that was not working. Guess what I found? Plugged back in to the same surge suppressor.

**Akitu** · 08-27-2014

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.
The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"
Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.
The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

**Lagonda** · 08-27-2014

Originally Posted by Akitu

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.
The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"
Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.
The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

OK, I give up, why is there a shortage of prostitutes in India?

**slimslob** · 08-28-2014

**Akitu** · 08-28-2014

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

**Akitu** · 08-29-2014

A Jew, an Irishman, and a black man are in a maternity ward waiting room. The nurse walks in and explains that there's been a terrible mix up with the babies, and that the fathers are going to have to figure out amongst themselves which baby belongs to whom. The Irishman springs up out of his chair and volunteers to go first.
A few minutes later the Irishman returns holding a newborn black-skinned baby in his arms.
The black man shouts in anger "Now, I KNOW that baby is MINE!" to which the Irishman replies: "One of those babies is Jewish, and I'm not taking any chances!"