Joke of the Day

[gwaddle]

From Natural Solutions Magazine's Facebook page.

I stole it.

[Iowatech]

Why some people take the bus:
Dilbert comic strip for 09/28/2014 from the official Dilbert comic strips archive.

[Akitu]

I found a rock yesterday that measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone...

[igi]

I carry a little rock from mars in my pocket
I must be marsupial

[blsquires]

a truck driver rang his boss and said you know that country run you sent me on ,well i have run over and killed a pig what can i do.
the boss said are you sure you have killed it.
yes said the driver i am sure.
well said the boss just roll it into a ditch .
ok said the driver but what do i do with the uniform.

[Akitu]

My wife is weird, she always starts her conversations with "Are you even listening to me?!"

[Akitu]

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

[Akitu]

A woman is cooking eggs in her kitchen when her husband comes running in...
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.
"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"
The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"
The wife runs to the fri-
"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."
The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.

[HenryT2]

The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.

That poor guy ...... Will he recover ? ...... Where will he go when he gets out of the hospital ?

[oldschool]

Joe considered himself to be quite the ladies man. He would often juggle two or three women at a time. One day he'd lost track of his schedule and mistakenly set up dates with three different women on the same night. He arranged it so he could see them at different times and that way they wouldn't catch on. He didn't want to cancel. These were no ordinary women as they had quite the voracious appetite when it came to sex. So much so that Joe was worried that this time he'd bitten off more than he could chew. Joe went to the pharmacist and asked if there was anything he could take to help with his vitality. The pharmacist said he could not legally sell him anything. Joe begged and pleaded with the pharmacist and offered up a large sum of cash. The pharmacist pulled him aside and agreed to sell Joe some experimental Viagra that had been taken off the market. He told Joe to only take 1/2 of a pill as this stuff was really potent. Joe returned home and thought to himself, that pharmacist has no idea what these women are like and I doubt 1/2 of a pill would cut it. Joe took a hand full of pills and got ready for his dates. The next day Joe showed back up at the pharmacist store. The pharmacist took one look at Joe and said my god you look awful. What'd you do get hit by a truck!? Joe said huh you think that's bad, take a look at this! Joe dropped his pants to reveal what was once Joe's cock. The pharmacist said holey shit Joe it looks like raw hamburger! Joe said "I know and it hurts like hell too. I just stopped by to pick up some Bengay. The pharmacist said, you can't put that on your dick it'll burn like hell! Joe said oh it's not for that. It's for my right arm. Those three women never showed up last night!!!