I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy". I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy". I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?
I would regard myself as open minded. If a blind man wants to drive a bus, I won't stand in his way.
When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.
What happens when a cat gets into your Skittles...
I don't want to taste that rainbow...
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
- The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
- The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
- I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
- The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.
She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
A teacher is teaching history and tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules.
Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early.
The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is going home early today.
Teacher: "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country."
The boy raises his hand hoping the teacher will pick him, a girl in class raises her hand
Teacher: Mary. Who said that?
Mary: John.F.Kennedy
Teacher: Correct. Good bye
The boy is disappointed but knows he will get the next one.
Teacher: "Four score and seven years ago our...
Before she could finish the boy and and two girls raise their hands
Teacher: Jessica. Who said that?
Jessica: Abe Lincoln
Teacher: That's right, you can leave now.
The boy is now getting upset he sits at the edge of his chair
Teacher: "I am not a crook"
The boy raises his hand and waves hysterically another girl gets called on
Teacher: Amy. Who said that?
Amy: Richard Nixon
Teacher: Bye now
The boy: I wish these bitches could keep their mouths shut!
Teacher: WHO SAID THAT?!
The boy: Bill Clinton, see you Monday!
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!"
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said: "Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?
If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.
Bookmarks