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A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
Practice makes perfect
If it ain't broke, don't fix it
A picture is worth a thousand words
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
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Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.
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Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
A: 1forrest1
rolling.gif
Practice makes perfect
If it ain't broke, don't fix it
A picture is worth a thousand words
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
A priest a doctor and an engineer...
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?
A baby-snake asks it's mummy:
''Mummy, are we a poisonous species?''
Mummy-snake: ''No dear. Why do you ask?''
Baby snake: '' Thank God!! I jusk bik my kongue!!''
How does the buffalo say goodbye to his son?????????????????
bi son.......................................
Mystic Crystal Revelations
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
" No," he replied, "arthritis.
problem font printer
how it works, font gauges (calibri) on ricoh?
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