Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"

[emujo]

Akitu strikes again....at least it's still funny. Emujo

[slimslob]

Akitu strikes again....at least it's still funny. Emujo

Yes, but it hasn't been that many days since the last time he posted it.

[fixthecopier]

I came in second in a Fidel Castro look alike contest. Close, but no cigar.

[Debs1964]

Oh dear, this is too true, especially in my case

brain.jpg

[blsquires]

so this bloke went in the gents .his arms were above his head and his hands were shaking.
he said to the bloke next to him at the urinal ,can you help me and get it out and aim it for me,of course said the bloke .when he had finished the bloke said can you shake it and put it away.
yes said the helpful bloke ,do you have parkinsons or something.no he said i am just drying my nail varnish

[Akitu]

Yes, but it hasn't been that many days since the last time he posted it.

Sleep deprivation is a nightmare. I'd kill someone for a decent night's sleep right now so I could keep myself organized.

[Akitu]

One day Jesus is helping St. Peter at the Gates to Heaven when an old man approaches.
"What have you done to enter Paradise?" Jesus asks.
"Me?" replies the old man, "not much, I am just a simple carpenter but my son makes me worthy."
"Your son?" asks Jesus
"Yes, my son. He was born under remarkable circumstances and underwent a miraculous transformation. He was loved by many and continues to be loved to this very day. His name will never be forgotten."
Jesus approaches the man and hugs him tightly, "Father!"
The old man hugs him back, "Pinocchio?"

[Debs1964]

clown.jpg

[Akitu]

I was visiting a local community center because I was interested in learning a new hobby.
On my way to the office, I passed a group of guys in a beat boxing class.
I walked in and decided to try and fit in with my beatboxing skills, "bootssskts bootsskts uhh uhh my name is Chris, Yall mutha fuckas aint ready for this. Wickawickabtssssss" I leaned back in the first chair I saw, confident I gained their respect.
One of the boys walks up to me and spat one back at me
"Th-Th-Th-This is a speech therapy class."