Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

An ugly man walks into a bar and instantly gets approached by a beautiful woman...... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back."

[ZOOTECH]

Webster's dictionary just added these new definitions:

1. ARBITRATOR
A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through

4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do

5. EYEDROPPER
Clumsy ophthalmologist

6. CONTROL
A short, ugly inmate.

7. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

8. ECLIPSE
What an English barber does for a living.

9. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

10. HEROES
What a man in a boat does

11. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower

12. PARADOX
Two physicians

13. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm

14. POLARIZE
What penguins see through

15. PRIMATE
Remove your spouse from in front of TV

16. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring

17. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife

18. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does

19. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official

20. PARADIGMS
Twenty cents

[slimslob]

[NeoMatrix]

I was in a pub quiz last night and one of the questions was: What have Nicole Kidman, KylieI Minogue and Julia Roberts got in common?

Apparently, women who I've masturbated to was not the answer.

....to.... or ....over....? To with all 3 would be impressive.

[Akitu]

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they are very efficient and have no humour.

[Akitu]

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmother.
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee.

[NeoMatrix]

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish and Italian grandmother.
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee.

He was baptised by Pastor Penne Napoletana.

[fixthecopier]

A solider receives a Dear John letter from his girlfriend...


It read as follows:

---

Michael,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.
Love, Elizabeth
P.S. Please return the picture you have of me

---

The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:

---

Elizabeth,
I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.
Take care, Michael

[Roverius]

2 blonds are walking in the woods while suddenly one of them finds a mirror.
The blond looks into the mirror and says "weird, it just looks like i know this girl".
while the other blond says "give the mirror to me, i will look".
She takes the mirror and says "no wonder you know that girl, it's me !!!"

[slimslob]