Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

There is this guy at work who passes by my bench and throw these little remarks whenever we have a little tit for tat discussion. He said this one to me which i am just passing on. come to your own conclusion.

A old man went to the pharmacy to purchase viagra. The lady gave him the pills and he took one and cut it into four pieces. The lady at the counter asked him why did he do that. He replied he only wants to kiss.

Only wanted to get to first base.

[nmfaxman]

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'

The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer 'yes I do' because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.' She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have a vagina'? 'Yes, actually I have one,' she says. The man says, 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

[Ottawatech]

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man:
Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman How much do you pay per beer?
Man:
$5.00which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending eachmonth at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could havebeen put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting forcompound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where'syour Ferrari?

[bob marley]

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password
for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the
wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it
says, "Error. Not long enough."

[slimslob]

[fixthecopier]

[subaro]

One day an 75 year old man arrived for his monthly check up and smiled when the doctor asked about his health.
"I have never felt better," said the old man, "I have taken an 20 year old bride, and she is pregnant. What do you think of that?"
After a moment the doctor said, "I once knew a guy who was an avid hunter. One day he slept in late, and in the rush to go out he took his umbrella instead of his rifle. When he got deep into the woods he suddenly came face to face with a huge bear. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. Do you know what happened then?"
"No, what happened?" replied the old man.
"The bear fell dead in front of him!" said the doctor.
"That's impossible," replied the old man, "Somebody else must have been doing the shooting!"
"Now you've got my message!" said the doctor

[MjarbarV2.0]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water....

What do we want?

MORE PRODUCT PLACEMENT!

When do we want it?

NOW! That's what I call music! 89

joke001.jpg

[subaro]

A man died and after 3 days went up to the heavenly for his new life. He met the administrator who was issuing the rules and way of life there. So he asked the administrator, sir how much is money valued here, the admin replied 1 cent is like 5 thousand dollars. Then he asked, how does time run here, the admin replied, 1 minute is like a thousand years. Then he asked, sir, can you lend me 5 cents, the admin said yes, give me 5 minutes.

[fixthecopier]

A guy asked a girl in a library: Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied with a loud voice: I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU! All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said: I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right? The guy responded with a loud voice: $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears: I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty.