Joke of the Day

**bob marley** · 08-19-2016

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**fixthecopier** · 08-19-2016

What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is heavy and the other one is....a little lighter. thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

**fixthecopier** · 08-19-2016

The other day I went over to a nearby Pharmacy.
When I got there, I went straight to the back of the Store to where the Pharmacists' Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.
The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a Senior Citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me.
He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God! That's such a relief! My Doctor told me to get a Pharmacist to test my Urine for sugar!"
Well, I can never go back to that Pharmacy, but I really don't care though, because they aren't very friendly there anyway!!!

**fixthecopier** · 08-22-2016

What do you call it when you say you are really sorry using a series of dots and dashes?...remorse code

**nottoosharp** · 08-22-2016

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two but don't ask me how they got in there.

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**NeoMatrix** · 08-23-2016

Originally Posted by fixthecopier

What do you call it when you say you are really sorry using a series of dots and dashes?...remorse code

Him: Remorseful code, is taking home a bunch of flower after being out all night....

Her: Is he trying to tell me something.....

**fixthecopier** · 08-25-2016

What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hareline.

**NeoMatrix** · 08-28-2016

Originally Posted by jonhiker

Moral of story — just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer.”

Out smart the old Bull.....

A young Bull and an old Bull where standing in a paddock munching grass.
Young Bull turns to the old Bull : Hey! "how 'bout we race down the paddock and do a couple of those cows?"
Old Bull , slowly looks up and says, "Nah.... How 'bout we walk down an do the lot...!"

**fixthecopier** · 08-31-2016

A blonde who finds herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just keeps bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offers her 10 to 1 odds, and says every time the blonde can not answer one of his questions, she owes him $5, but every time he cannot answer hers, he’ll give her $50. The lawyer figures he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepts. The lawyer first asks, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde hands him $5. The blonde then asks, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?” Well, the lawyer is puzzled. He takes several hours, looking up everything he can on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gives up and pays the blonde $50 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insists, “What is the answer to your question?” Without saying a word, the blonde hands him $5.