> Quickie in the Bushes
>
> There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
>
>
> They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one
> day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the
> two to life.
>
> The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
> blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
> minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
>
> He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery
>
> The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
> After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of
> breath and laughing.
>
> The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen
> minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
>
> He asks her 'Shall we?'
>
>
> She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's
> change positions. This time, I 'll hold the
> pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
>
> AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
Pavlov is sitting in a bar when the phone rings...
All of a sudden he jumps up and yells: "Shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
My wife and I went to a "bank robbers" themed costume party last night. I had a great time. My wife bitched and moaned because I made her sit in the car with the engine running all night.
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking
Some Light Dublin Traffic Humor
A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins." shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister
Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Get lost , ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and
rip yer head off." She then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?"
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros
on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed: "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings (and her clothes) and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching the dice."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are drunks.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men....are men.
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Curt had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
Come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said. "So, what are you and Peggy Sue planning to dotonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy Sue likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Curt replied, with raised eyebrows. "Is that so?” he asked, incredulous.
“Yes. As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!”
"Well, thanks for the tip," Curt said as he began thinking about alternate plans.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The TWIST, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
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