Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #3921
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  2. #3922
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts bob marley's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

  3. #3923
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A slice of pie in Jamaica will cost you $2.50, In Haiti it will cost $2.35, In the Bahama's it is$2.85. These are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  4. #3924
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Spread the Stupidity






    Only in This Stupid World
    .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke..

    Only in This Stupid World
    .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..

    Only in This Stupid World
    ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Only in This Stupid World

    ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


    Only in This Stupid World

    ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.



    EVER WONDER......



    Why the sun lightens our hair,

    but darkens our skin?

    Why don't you ever see the headline

    'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


    Why is'abbreviated' such a long word?


    Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,

    and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money

    called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic

    called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box

    that is used on airplanes?

    Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


    Why are they called apartments when

    they are all stuck together?



    I like this one!!!

    If con is the opposite of pro,

    is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the

    airport the terminal?

  5. #3925
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass......... It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

  6. #3926
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by izzynut View Post
    Spread the Stupidity

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the

    airport the terminal?
    Would you prefer Final Destination

  7. #3927
    Senior member of CRS 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    ZOOTECH's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A painter got a call from a gallery showing his work. The gallery owner said, "I've got good news and bad news". The good news is a man came in and asked if your work was the kind that would increase in value after the artist's death. I said yes, and he bought all 15 paintings.
    The bad news is the man is your doctor.
    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

  8. #3928
    Service Manager 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Phil B.'s Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    Would you prefer Final Destination


  9. #3929
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by izzynut View Post
    Spread the Stupidity



    [random snip]

    I like this one!!!

    If con is the opposite of pro,

    is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the

    airport the terminal?

    Why do they ask do you understand,
    when you can't stand under people.

    ...lay under people, would be to underlie.

    Do you underlie me? Sort of con-gruent with the word con-gress.


    Why does my ATM machine ask me fifteen questions in English
    then ask me to confirm English or Asian language for the final
    transaction.

    Why does an audiologist ring up and ask can you hear me okay, do you need hearing aides ?
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

  10. #3930
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. "What's less?" ask the bartender. I don't know said the man, but my doctor said I have to start drinking it.
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

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