Dislikes: 0
ON FRIDAYS, I FISH!
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a
tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife
to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up
and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.
The Angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to look in the freezer,
my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs in high heels, he pulled up my skirt and 'had his way with me' right then and there."
"They don't like that in Heaven", said the Angel.
The woman replied: "They were not crazy about it in Costco either !"
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid
looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out
that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid...
Husband: Well you don't remember, do you??? When we were leaving the
hospital, you noticed that our baby had pooped, then you said: "
Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here. " So I went
inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.”
Moral: Never give a man a job for which he is not qualified.
An Irishman's first drink with his son!
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories
came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?
He didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a
Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast ,
Ireland 's finest whisky.
He wouldn't even smell it.
What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so
shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!
good one.. but frankly as a teen babysitter..father of two ( one on my own since 6.5 weeks old ) i have changed more diapers than both my ex's did COMBINED... my trick? a clothespin on my nose!Originally Posted by izzynut
hell there MUST be a joke in there somewhere!
Still nothing
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!"
The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a copier technician."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Posting Permissions
Thanks: 
Likes: 
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks