Joke of the Day

[ZOOTECH]

- TEXTING FOR SENIORS

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you:. . think U will get a chuckle...... ATD: At The Doctor's BFF: Best Friend Farted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CGU: Can't get up CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was GHA: Got Heartburn Again IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LWO: Lawrence Welk's On OMMR: On My Massage Recliner WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

[tsbservice]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,

"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked!

"You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied,

"Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[tsbservice]

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex.
The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father
"Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says
"They're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him
"Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says
"Me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies
"Flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"

[tsbservice]

A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied.
"Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

[ZOOTECH]

My boss pulled up to work in his new sports car this morning, and I complimented him on it.
He stepped out of his car, put his hand on my shoulder and replied, " Well, if you hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

[FrohnB]

A Woman is sitting at her deceased Husband's funeral.
A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
"No, go right ahead", the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits back down.
"Thanks", the woman says, "that means a lot".

[izzynut]

Little.jpg

[Lagonda]

My boss pulled up to work in his new sports car this morning, and I complimented him on it.
He stepped out of his car, put his hand on my shoulder and replied, " Well, if you hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

This isn't funny, the boss got a new Mercedes and I haven't had a pay rise in 5 years.

[BaconSteve]

Dad joke:

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

10 tickles... (tentacles?)

Ahh!

[tsbservice]

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.
Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke.

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."