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Thread: Joke of the Day

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    Joke of the Day

    This can be an ongoing thread without having to post a new thread for every joke that you find.

    I'll start with a "Dumb Blonde" (sorry ladies) joke;

    A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
    After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.
    Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,
    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
    The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
    The voice came once more,
    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
    She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
    "IS THAT YOU LORD?"
    The voice replied,
    "No, this is the manager of the hockey rink.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Parachute Jumping

    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
    After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"


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    Senior Tech. 1,000+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    ::Joke of the day::
    A family of moles woke up in their underground den one bright sunny morning.
    Father mole pokes his head out of the ground and say's "hmm I smell waffles with honey".
    Mother mole the pokes her head out and says "I smell pancakes and syrup ".
    The baby mole struggling to get past his parents, shouts "all I can smell is mol-asses".

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two blonds walk into a bar.



    The door said PULL.

    Why do they call it common sense?

    If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?

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    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Jules Winfield's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    So I saw this little old lady getting mugged on the street the other day and despite my self preservation instinct, I just had to get involved. She was a tough old broad, but in the end, we got her purse.

    But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard... to be the Shepherd.

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?



    Kermits undivided attention!

    The impossible is easy - miracles take a little longer
    So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

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    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts igi's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Hi
    asked the boss to go home early.
    he still laughing.




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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender says "Don't try to start anything".

    Horse walks into a bar, bartender ask "Why the long face".

    I just read the book "100 things to do Before You Die". I can't believe "yell for help" wasn't one of them.


    Two rednecks are walking down the road and see a dog laying in the road licking his balls. One of them says, "Boy I wish I could do that!" The other one replies, "You better not. That son of a bitch might bite you!"

    Democracy is still the worst form of government, except for all the rest of them.

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    Senior Tech. 1,000+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two women on their way back from a night out stop in at their local graveyard for a wee-stop.
    One wipes her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers.
    Their two husbands were in the pub the next day.
    One hubby says, "I'd better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on."
    The other man says, "That's stuff all mate, mine came home last night with a card wedged in her backside saying, We'll never forget you. From all the boys at the firestation..

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Who's the boss

    All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

    The Brain said "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
    The Blood said "No! I should be in charge, because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
    "I should be in charge," said the Stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."
    "I should be in charge," said the Legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
    "I should be in charge," said the Eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
    Finally the Rectum said "I should be in charge, because I'm responsible for waste removal."

    All the other body parts laughed at the Rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
    Within a few days, the Brain had a terrible headache, the Stomach was bloated, the Legs got wobbly,
    the Eyes got watery, and the Blood was toxic. They all decided that the Rectum should be the boss
    The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...
    The ass hole is usually in charge.

    "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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