"must be a big problem, you brought the book with you"
"can I just make 1 copy, and then you can continue"
"are you going to fix it right this time"
But I can usually get them off my back with "it should be OK, I read the manual this morning"
Emujo
Of course a sarcastic, snarky come back is always best. When they say I should get an office there I always come back with great, I want a corner office with windows, my own desk and a big paycheck. Where is HR located?
Testing 1-2-3, testing, testing. Is this thing on?
The usual one, when you have a m/c in pieces...."oh..is it working?"....i normally reply, "yes it's working perfectly, but as i was bored, i decided to come & take your m/c apart...."......or they say.."oh...dont suppose i can use it at the moment?"....to which the reply is..."hold on....if you hold that wire & i hold this one...i'll just plug it in & then you might be able to.....".....the look on their face everytime is priceless
Tip for the day; Treat every problem as your dog would.....If you cant eat it or f*ck it....then p*ss on it & walk away...
The one I hear is "This machine has a lot of problems, did we get a lemon?". And they have a 4 year old machine with most of the problems being end user induced.
You have changed so many bits its must be a new machine (its a service done properly)
You can come and hoover my house if you want (some guy sitting behind a desk with a t-shirt and a scarf on, to which i replied 'i have a girlfriend' and turned my hoover back on )
This machine is a bag of spanners (nope its a bag of blue-tack, paper clips and staples - thanks to you)
Can we just have a new machine (yes, if i can have a new customer to go with it)
It didn't say that I couldn't do it in the manual.
' "But the salesman said . . ." The salesman's an asshole!'
Mascan42
'You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.'
Ibid
I'm just an ex-tech lurking around and spreading disinformation!
Oh " Mr. Fixit is here again! "
amazing how many clients refer to their tech in this manner.
one place I attend to has 6 floors with 5 machines on each floor, plus an untold number of printers.
ID 10 T is the most common error code in the place.
$hit Happens - Deal with it and move on.........................................................................Lock & Load
The 1 i like is ...you should have your own cup by now ...to this i take a cup out of my case and say 1 sugar please ....priceless
Ok you blokes have high-lighted all the best bad customer annecodes. So I will throw in a couple of negative-turned-positive quotes.
I hope the customer doesn't read this... or worse my wife....
I had a customer which has about 30-40 women working in a truely under machine resourced office. < add tears here>
The female senior manager along with 3 other nice looking women complained that I was up there fixing their machine so often that she was going to assign me a bed out the back room.
To which I replied "Love with all the good looking women you have working in this place you would'nt have to ask me twice."
True story.
Hey! I'm no oil painting to look at, by ya got sieze the moment...
And no , there was no bed incase you all ask......
Last edited by NeoMatrix; 07-26-2012 at 12:33 AM.
Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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