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  1. #1
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    Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Understanding Photocopier Technicians



    Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people
    not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are
    used commonly by technicians, and a lay persons explanation of what
    they actually mean.


    Stuffed

    A description of an item of equipment indicating that it
    does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not
    expected to change in the near future.


    Fucked

    Terminally stuffed.


    Fuck me dead

    A technical expression meaning that after you have
    totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the
    manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that
    part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory
    (overseas) realignment.

    Fuck it all

    An expression that follows the tinging sound of a
    miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of
    the room.
    Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to, and
    have no idea what it looks like.

    Fucking bloody fuck

    An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and
    mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still
    sitting under the workshop bench.

    Holy bloody shit

    The expression used immediately after stripping the
    thread or hexagon off a small bolt and remembering that it had a left
    hand thread.

    Shit, fuck, shit

    The technical expression denoting full understanding that
    the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not
    only critically important to the machines operation, but is completely
    beyond retrieval.

    Shit, shit, shit

    Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger.

    Shit, shit, shit, shit

    Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.

    How the fuck...

    Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers
    of the machine might have done something a bit differently.

    Bloody fuck

    Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.

    Holy fucking shit

    This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.

    Bugger bloody fuck

    You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate
    understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it.
    NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with this
    expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.

    Fucking damn shit

    I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.

    Fucking bloody damn

    A general phrase indicating minor irritation.

    Holy bloody fuck

    My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200
    horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.

    Bugger, fuck, damn

    An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding
    quote given to the customer omitted the $1800 parts content of the job.

    I don't talk to dorks like you

    An expression that initiates many long and meaningful
    meetings between your management and the customer, where your manager
    desperately tries to persuade the customer that something you passionately
    believe in has never entered your head.

    If you're such a clever dick, why don't you fix the bloody thing yourself.

    A phrase which precedes an unusually long period before
    the next salary increase. Can be effective at getting on a Customer
    Relations Course

    If you don't like the way I'm fucking fixing it...

    I was taught that a screwdriver also doubles as a cold
    chisel, a putty knife, a tyre lever, a door jam, a paint stirrer, a big
    nail, an emergency fuse link, something to lean under the tyre of your
    managers car, or a tool to wake snoozing apprentices (when sharpened).

    Why don't you buy another fucking one.

    If you persist in using something built during the Crimean War of course it will sometimes break down.


  2. #2
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts gwaddle's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Sounds about right.

    I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.

  3. #3
    Legend in the Making 2,500+ Posts
    Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Akitu's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    A slight British overlay to it, but overall mostly correct.

    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  4. #4
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Quote Originally Posted by canonbundy View Post
    Holy bloody fuck

    My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200
    horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.
    The main reason technicians who worked on mechanical calculators and posting machines always kept a pair of scissors no more that 2 inches away.


  5. #5
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Understanding Copier Techs...?

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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    LOL!

    Hans

    " Sent from my Intel i286 using MS-DOS 2.0 "

  6. #6
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts HenryT2's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    The main reason technicians who worked on mechanical calculators and posting machines always kept a pair of scissors no more that 2 inches away.
    and mimeographs , electric typewriters , those large shredders at the banks

    I remember the days of the tie stuffed into your shirt. The 8 or 9 inch long scissors was the FIRST tool taken out of your kit.
    .........and even thought they looked crappy ..... the ' CLIP ON TIE ' turned into a tech's favorite clothing accessory.

    "The Senility Prayer" . . .
    God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

  7. #7
    Master Of The Obvious 10,000+ Posts
    Understanding Copier Techs...?

    blackcat4866's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    I've used at least half of these technical terms in the proper context. I particularly remember:


    Shit, shit, shit, shit

    Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.


    Bloody fuck

    Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.


    These sort of events are usually memorable requiring at least 4 weeks of healing. =^..^=


    If you'd like a serious answer to your request:
    1) demonstrate that you've read the manual
    2) demonstrate that you made some attempt to fix it.
    3) if you're going to ask about jams include the jam code.
    4) if you're going to ask about an error code include the error code.


    blackcat: Master Of The Obvious =^..^=

  8. #8
    ALIEN OVERLORD 2,500+ Posts fixthecopier's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    I used a couple of those today.

    One I use a lot is "Are you fucking kidding me??" That's what I am always saying to that invisible dumdass that works with me, who orders the wrong part, drops the bushing in the gear pack or breaks the corona wire I didn't bring with us.

    Democracy is still the worst form of government, except for all the rest of them.

  9. #9
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Brings to mind a technical term I use quiet often.

    :: $tuffed ::

    I tell the customer that their machine is "Stuffed" and that's spelt with a capital "F...."
    It gets a laugh once in a while...

    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
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  10. #10
    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts Debs1964's Avatar
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    Re: Understanding Copier Techs...?

    Quote Originally Posted by canonbundy View Post
    Fucking damn shit

    I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.
    Yep, been there, done that

    Quote Originally Posted by canonbundy View Post
    Holy bloody fuck

    My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200
    horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.
    I don't wear a tie, but have caught my hair in a DF motor and my scissors were out of reach, I pulled it and spent the next 30 minutes pulling bits of hair out of the motor

    There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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