Practice/starter ex spouse stories

[malay0803]

A few of us may be past our first marriages but the malady lingers on. We'd love to hear any fun stories from the past. Anything amusing and please, nothing depressing. Here's the first of mine:

So one night, the kids are sound asleep and the dog is, too, and I'm on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor when he walks in from playing Bridge, sees me and asks what I'm doing.
Now, any sensible person would see the cleaner, the paper towels, the mop and just give a wild guess that I'm not in the midst of making Chocolate Mousse but I replied, "Washing the floor". It was a very big floor - over 300 sq. ft.

NOTE: We had the Armstrong linoleum installed earlier that year.

His words still remain with me: "I thought it was no wash".

I had to explain the difference between NO WASH and NO WAX.

[mrwho]

I'm really amazed at the subtle way of sneaking a link onto the post. Clearly the least annoying spam I've ever seen - were the story more interesting and not your first post, then I'd never notice it. Kudos for that, if not for anything else.

[emujo]

My 1st wife and I divorced many years ago, she remarried the very next day, but neglected to mention it to me and continued to collect alimony for several years after this. When I found out, I was hopping mad and told her to F*** off and die. She was gracious enough to do this a few years later with a drug overdose. Pretty funny Eh? Emujo

[igi]

A few of us may be past our first marriages but the malady lingers on. We'd love to hear any fun stories from the past. Anything amusing and please, nothing depressing. Here's the first of mine:

So one night, the kids are sound asleep and the dog is, too, and I'm on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor when he walks in from playing Bridge, sees me and asks what I'm doing.
Now, any sensible person would see the cleaner, the paper towels, the mop and just give a wild guess that I'm not in the midst of making Chocolate Mousse but I replied, "Washing the floor". It was a very big floor - over 300 sq. ft.

NOTE: We had the Armstrong linoleum installed earlier that year.

His words still remain with me: "I thought it was no wash".

I had to explain the difference between NO WASH and NO WAX.

ok

[Akitu]

My 1st wife and I divorced many years ago, she remarried the very next day, but neglected to mention it to me and continued to collect alimony for several years after this. When I found out, I was hopping mad and told her to F*** off and die. She was gracious enough to do this a few years later with a drug overdose. Pretty funny Eh? Emujo

Sounds like a problem that resolved itself. Karma came 'round her way with a fully loaded freighter...