TECH SPEAK

**fixthecopier** · 08-29-2014

So, I found a glossary of some words that end users use when describing problems...

important...word used to falsely describe a users problem

urgent...term used to describe a problem that has been iqnored for days or weeks, and must now be fixed immediataly

broken...don't know how to use it

slow...anything that isn't instant

everyone...myself or one

And thought that maybe end users could use a breakdown of some terms that their tech may use, such as

How can I help you today?...This is a test to see if you describe a real issue, or to see if you actually know how to use the machine.

It says on the ticket...At this point you are telling the tech about a different problem than what is described on the ticket.

Can you repeat the issue?...The tech has checked your machine and cannot reproduce the problem, and may start to think you are a dumbass.

Do you know what these are for?...You are being tested to see if you know the basic features of your office lifeline.

How long has this been going on?...Your tech is asking why you didn't call sooner, after all you have a service plan.

Who is the key operator?...Your tech wants to give a brief demo on things you should already know.

Oh shit!...The problem is a lot worse that you described.

Are you fucking kidding me?...You or one of your coworkers have done something bad.

If I ever meet one of those assholes in person...Your tech is commenting on how he would like to have a discussion with the guy who designed your machine.

Uh oh...Your tech has dropped something important, or broken something that was designed poorly.

Damn it, Damn it, Damn it, Damn it...something your tech has done has made this repair a little longer.

I need to research this a little more...Your tech has no idea what is going on.

Who do I need to talk to about money?...You guys have really screwed up and it's going to cost you.

Have you thought about upgrading?...Your tech is tired of servicing this old piece of shit.

Hope this helps...

**MjarbarV2.0** · 08-29-2014

That's a pretty comprehensive list, the only thing I would add would be:

Did you have a chance to look at the manual? In other words if you had bothered to open them in the first place I wouldn't be standing here now wasting my time with you jerk off's!

**Tonerbomb** · 08-30-2014

I have another addition, It was one of our members signature at onetime.

"But the salesman said............The salesman's an asshole"

**blackcat4866** · 08-30-2014

" ... and what exactly do you mean by Won't Work" The technician could use a tiny bit more information. Like: is there a smudge on the cover, or did it fall off a moving truck? Or something in-between? =^..^=

**KenB** · 08-30-2014

One of my favorite calls was for "toner on copies".

Isn't there supposed to be?

**fixthecopier** · 08-30-2014

"jams ALL the time"

Many times I go to a machine, put it in test mode, after about 50 or 60 pages I ask the customer what the issue is and they say it jams all the time. I will point to the running machine and ask them to define "all the time"

**blackcat4866** · 08-30-2014

Originally Posted by fixthecopier

"jams ALL the time"

Many times I go to a machine, put it in test mode, after about 50 or 60 pages I ask the customer what the issue is and they say it jams all the time. I will point to the running machine and ask them to define "all the time"

... and the last jam was a week ago, and 10,000 copies ago? I just love to print off the error log and point out " ... you mean the one jam last April?"

What does "PC LOAD LETTER" mean?

**Tonerbomb** · 08-30-2014

Originally Posted by blackcat4866

... and the last jam was a week ago, and 10,000 copies ago? I just love to print off the error log and point out " ... you mean the one jam last April?"

What does "PC LOAD LETTER" mean?

I love to print the smc's and show the customer the jam counts when they say "it 's been jamming all day"

**KenB** · 08-30-2014

Or..."Jamming everywhere".

In all fairness, when a jam happens on a run of more than a few copies, there will be paper in various locations when things stop moving, but it's never perceived that way, and difficult to get some customers to grasp.

**Phrag** · 09-01-2014

I explained once after training a couple of people how to add Fax Destinations to the address book; "If you have any queries on where you need to go to add a Fax Address, this brief chapter here *pointing to steps and illustrations* quickly outlines the steps exactly as have explained.

One lady proceeds to say to me, "I don't want to have to read a book to use the machine."

*Deep breaths*