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A man is standing on deck, gazing out at the water. As the ship passes a small remote island, he spots somebody. He squints to make out what he sees – a thin, straggly man with wild looking hair. He watches as the man runs from side to side, jumps up and down and waves his arm.
The cruise passenger turns to the captain and says
“What’s up with that guy?”
The captain shrugs and replies
“I don’t know, but he’s happy to see us every year when we pass!”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Mrs. Smartt was fumbling in her purse for her offering when a large television remote fell out and clattered into the aisle.
The curious usher bent over to retrieve it for her and whispered, “Do you always carry your TV remote to church?”
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come with me this morning, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Early one morning the husband and wife were arguing over who should get out of the warm bed to make the coffee. Finally the wife folded her arms and said decidedly,
“You have to make the coffee. It’s in the Bible!”
The husband was shocked. “Is not! Show me!”
Pulling out her Bible, the wife opened it to one of the New Testament books and declared,
“It says right here — HEBREWS!”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A lady remarked to a former bishop of London on one occasion
"Oh! Bishop, I want to tell you something very remarkable. An aunt of mine had arranged to make a voyage in a certain steamer, but at the last moment she had to give up the trip; and that steamer was wrecked; wasn't it a mercy she did not go in it?"
"Well, but," replied the bishop, "I don't know your aunt."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Two cruise passengers are lounging on sun beds, reading books. One notices that the other is reading a Che Guervara book.
The other passenger turns to him and asks
“Have you read Marx?”
“Yes”, her replies. “I think it’s from sitting on these deck chairs so long.”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Your learning lesson for the day. You know a day without learning is a day wasted.
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3,000 years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The president of the society pointed to the first drawing and said:
“This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that during a famine, they seek food from the sea.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then an old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"Idiots...Hebrew is read from right to left..
It says: 'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick".
Bill Clinton ahead of his conference on Women's Rights went to the doctor to get checked out... the doctor took several vials of blood for testing.
Days later the doctor calls Bill back in for results of his test.
Well Mr. Clinton your STD's seem to be contained .. there was one startling discovery
Bill looked puzzled and worried... " What is it doc? "
Well it seems you have native american blood lineage.. the doc replied.
Really I had no idea? What tribe am I a part of? Bill said.
"I Rap A Ho" the doc replied.
Hello Father...
Two priests decided to go to Hawaiion their holidays.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them ......They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
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