ZOOTECH
01-23-2012, 11:41 PM
---
> PARAPROSDOKIANS:
> (Winston Churchill loved them)>
>
> Even though they are old and have been around for years,
> they are still good for a chuckle (and true) !>
>
>
> I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
>
> " Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
> surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation ."
>
> "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
> 'paraprosdokian'.
>
> 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
> beat you with 'experience'.
>
> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
>
> 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
> bright until you hear them speak.
>
> 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
>
> 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
>
> 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
>
> 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it
> in a fruit salad.
>
> 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
> proceed to tell you why it isn't.
>
> 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
> research.
>
> 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
> train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
>
> 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
> paychecks.
>
> 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
> Case of Emergency', 'Notify:' I put 'The Doctor'.
>
> 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
>
> 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
> street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
>
> 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
> successful man is usually another woman.
>
> 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
>
> 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
> to skydive twice.
>
> 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
> with.
>
> 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
> they can't get away.
>
> 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
>
> 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid .
>
> 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
> hit the target.
>
> 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
>
> 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>
> 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
> in a garage makes you a car.
>
>
>
>
> "Words of Wisdom"
>
>
>
> "The early bird may get the worm,
> but the second mouse gets the cheese."
>
>
> "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
> it's about learning to dance in the rain."
>
>
> PARAPROSDOKIANS:
> (Winston Churchill loved them)>
>
> Even though they are old and have been around for years,
> they are still good for a chuckle (and true) !>
>
>
> I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
>
> " Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
> surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation ."
>
> "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
> 'paraprosdokian'.
>
> 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
> beat you with 'experience'.
>
> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
>
> 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
> bright until you hear them speak.
>
> 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
>
> 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
>
> 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
>
> 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it
> in a fruit salad.
>
> 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
> proceed to tell you why it isn't.
>
> 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
> research.
>
> 10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
> train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
>
> 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
> paychecks.
>
> 12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
> Case of Emergency', 'Notify:' I put 'The Doctor'.
>
> 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
>
> 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
> street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
>
> 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
> successful man is usually another woman.
>
> 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
>
> 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
> to skydive twice.
>
> 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
> with.
>
> 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
> they can't get away.
>
> 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
>
> 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid .
>
> 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
> hit the target.
>
> 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
>
> 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>
> 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
> in a garage makes you a car.
>
>
>
>
> "Words of Wisdom"
>
>
>
> "The early bird may get the worm,
> but the second mouse gets the cheese."
>
>
> "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
> it's about learning to dance in the rain."
>
>