What's the most whack customer description???

[Buddy]

Lawyer: THAT'S A BRAND NEW $2000 DOLLAR MACHINE! IT SHOULDN'T BREAK DOWN. That morning on the news, one of the space shuttles didn't get off the launch pad. I told the lawyer, "The shuttle costs billions and it didn't work." Lawyer very quiet. Just walked away.... I hate lawyers.

[Phrag]

I might have already said this before;

Had a customer wonder why their Biz-hub 283 was printing green on 100% of the page - and on both sides.

[sx633]

Canon ir4570 reported as E-019 (Waste toner full)
Customer: "We've Googled the error and I've emptied the waste toner but we still have an error".
Me: (Thinking), That's clever, but I wonder how he knew managed to get to the WT box.
Me: After checking the waste box and emptying it (Coz it was full), "What was it you emptied ?"
Customer; "Oh that black round one there" pointing to the TONER tube.
Me: "That's your toner"
Next, tried to test it but machine asking for Toner.
Me: " have you got a new tube of toner?"
Customer: "We only put one in yesterday"
Me: "Yes I know but you've emptied it all in the Bin !!!"
Customer: "Oh .... No then"

[mthomasebs]

"This bit in the top of the right hand door was overheating so our IT guy panicked and removed it, then threw it out the window."

That's a fusing unit for you.

[morgansterne]

Color Ricoh copier.

customer: we're getting vertical lines.
I do test prints and it shows DIAGONAL void lines.
(classic symptom indicating bad dv clutch)
I show him my tests, pointing them out.
"Are these the lines you were talking about?"
customer: Yeah, I don't know if you'd call that vertical or what.

This was at a place manufacturing landing gear for military aircraft! and the engineers don't know the difference between vertical and diagonal.

[TheBlueOrleans]

The ever popular "Misc90 - Other".
Could be paper size mismatch due to improper setting of the tray guides, could be a paper jam, could be it needs toner, could be poor image quality, could be a noise issue, and what does it turn out to be?

"We just wanted you to clean it up a little bit."

Let me go get my vacuum...

(I use the precious time I've got the vacuum running to think the thoughts we aren't supposed to think, just in case they CAN hear my thoughts they won't hear anything over the katun vac.)
Professionalism at its finest.

[blackcat4866]

I might have already said this before;

Had a customer wonder why their Biz-hub 283 was printing green on 100% of the page - and on both sides.

I had three like this:

One was a monochrome analog Canon that my customer insisted was making poor color copies, and even had samples. I wonder where they came from?

Another Canon monochrome analog: There was something weird in the paper that turned brown after fusing. Fortunately for me there was a recognizable pattern every 20 pages or so, and even a smell to those pages. I remember laughing when reading the call: (Brown copies?! Yeah, sure.)

The other was a poor color quality issue on a bizhub. My enduser had printed a yellow full page image (C:0/ M:0/ Y:100/ K:0) to the bizhub onto magenta paper (C:0/ M:100/ Y:0/ K:0) and got an red full page image (C:0/ M:100/ Y:100/ K:0). Can you imagine!?
=^..^=

[gneebore]

Have not seen this thread before and some of the posts are hilarious. Especially the one about the mita making only one copy at a time and needing toner. had a few of them with the older analog Mita copiers. But the weirdest customer complaints/problems I ever ran into was with a small party supplies shop. They sold supplies for home parties and in some cases printed small runs of invitations for all sort of occasions. We sold them a Kyocera color laser printer. First problem was they wanted to run heavy card stock without using the bypass tray. In the first two weeks went on four calls for jamming and finally convinced the owner of the shop to not put the 100 pound plus card stock in the tray because it would not bend and feed properly. Even showed her in the operators manual where to feed card stock and explained there is no warranty for misuse of the machine. Not following the directions is misuse. Next fun problem they wanted to print the invitation cards. Yeap cards were too small, 2 1/2x4 in, to print if run through with the long side as the leading edge. Pick-up and feed rollers were 3 inches apart. They had to print with the short edge leading. "But our HP inkjet prints it that way why do we have to turn it around to print in the new machine?" Had to show them the page in the manual how to print non-standard sized cards. And also showed them on their pc to rotate the image to print in the right direction for the Kyocera.

But the best complaint was "why doesn't the ink stick when we use the expensive cards" The expensive cards had a aluminum glitter imbedded in the paper and was on the surface of both sides. Made a beautiful personal invitation card when run through the HP. Of course the Hp did not use static electricity to put ink on the surface like a nice dry toner machine does. Oh yes toner does not stick very well if the static charge is not on the nice little aluminum glitter bits. What was really surprising was the machine did not actually short out or code out with the metallic glitter in the paper. They called for that nine times in four months. After four months, and about twenty-five calls my boss refunded the money and picked up the printer.

They were also one of the customers that was thirty miles away and had a very bad habit of calling at 4:30 in the afternoon and complaining that they needed someone there right away for supply delivery or servicing the machine since they were open from 10:00 am to 9:00 pm and we stated in the contract a 2 hour service response time. Just could not understand why we would not go to deliver supplies or service the machine since they called before we closed. I did agree one time to wait at the shop for them to send a driver to pick up the supplies. I lived a mile away from the shop so I didn't mind. I could refill some toners cartridges. When they did not show up by 6:30 I called my boss and told him they had not gotten there yet. Then he called them and asked where their driver was. Their answer, "She hasn't left yet" He told them to forget about leaving they would have the toner on monday at 10:00 am.

[allan]

I was based in Thabazimbi and gor a call from my office about a fax machine at one of the border posts that was'nt working. I drove the 550km to get there only to hear that their telephone cables was stolen. When i asked how they reported it their reply was their phones don't work so they radioed the problem to their HQ whom reported it. A total of 1100 km driven for nothing. Oh i forgot to mention the temp was about 48 degr celcius.

Jip know the feeling, that use to be one of my areas. Drove about the same distance to put paper into a fax machine.
Or better yet "eish the computor is making a continues beeping noise" drove over zhe province of Limpopo to remove a stapler from on top of the keyboard.

[petermays]

logged call as mc is dead and 5 ppl have checked plugs and power button...I got there and put the plug on.

nothing beats the dumb look on there face when they say that they tried that