Funny stories I tell customers

[copiertec]

I'm really loving these stories, I wish I had time to respond to everyone who's posted. Please keep em coming.

What's the weirdest place you ever went to fix a copier?

I had a Konica on State Contract at the Maximum Security Prison in Sekiu Washington. The copier was in the infirmary, and they had to lead me through the courtyard, where the inmates made wolf calls at me.

Once in the infirmary, I noticed some red lines painted on the floor. I asked what the lines were for, and they said that inmates were supposed to stay behind the lines. Just then guard comes in with an inmate, who's hands were cuffed behind his back, and looked like he'd been in a fight. The guard pushed him toward a chair and said "SIT DOWN". The inmate refused to sit, so the guard, grabbed him, and threw him, face down, on the floor. With his hands behind his back, his face splattered blood all over the floor, and two more guard rushed in, all three began whooping on him with their nightsticks.

This is all going on, just three feet away from me, working on the copier.

We had a copier at a funeral home, apparently, before this person was cremated they had a viewing. They put the body on a forklift, I swear that body must have set for a day or so being stored in the garage or something because I caught a whiff of it as it passed by me a I was walking in to service the copier....WOW, I will never forget that smell!! Oddly enough, the grounds person that was operating the fork lift was holding his breakfast sandwich in one hand and eating as he was toting this body to the crematorium as if the smell was nothing to him.

[slimslob]

We had a copier at a funeral home, apparently, before this person was cremated they had a viewing. They put the body on a forklift, I swear that body must have set for a day or so being stored in the garage or something because I caught a whiff of it as it passed by me a I was walking in to service the copier....WOW, I will never forget that smell!! Oddly enough, the grounds person that was operating the fork lift was holding his breakfast sandwich in one hand and eating as he was toting this body to the crematorium as if the smell was nothing to him.

Are you sure you weren't smelling his sandwich. I have worked on equipment in a number of mortuaries and never noticed an odor. Even had to install a phone in the prep room once while there was a body on the slab ready to be prepped.

[tonerhead]

Reading the last couple posts, I've got a couple more stories to tell.

First one.

I had delivered a new copier, did the networking, operator training, etc. All was good. Got back to the office 10 minutes later and the dispatcher called me into her area. She said what happened at the customers? The owner was ranting at her over the phone, every other word was a curse word, you better send that worthless tech back here who installed it, I want to lay into him. So I go back, the owner starts in on me at the door and wouldn't let up. The #$#%#@ document feeder jams constantly, I haven't been able to feed a single sheet through the %$#%#. Do you know how much I paid for this piece of $#^%. You must be really incompetent ^%$^$ if you delivered it without making sure it works. On and on and on as we are walking to the copier. As we got to the copier he is still ranting at me. I noticed someone taped a sticky note over the length sensor on the feeder that said feed face up. I grabbed a sheet of blank paper out of the paper tray wrote "test" on it. I put it in the feeder, removed the sticky note. I said the following to the owner, "this sticky note someone put here is covering a sensor that is why it is jamming". I hit the start button and walked out without even watching it finish making a copy. I knew it would. Got back to office and told manager that I walked out on guy as he was being unreasonable. Manager just laughed, said he would have likely done the same.

This next one didn't happen to me, but to a coworker working at the State Penitentiary. He said he was working on the copier in the place and had an armed guard along with. The copier was in an area where there were prisoners coming and going. The prisoners would come and go say hi, ask about sports, etc. He said he had a big teardown of the copier, lots of parts all over. While he was head deep in the copier all of sudden he heard the sound of the shotgun loading. Then he heard the guard's voice say "Henry, now why don't you put this gentleman's screwdriver back where you found it"

Speaking of armed guards, have you ever tried servicing a copier in the counting room of a gambling casino? Some of these guys can be real jerks. I understand the need for security, lots of money stacked around. There are cameras all round and you need to walk through 2 or 3 security doors to even get to the room. Jerk #1 searched through all my tools then came to my vacuum. He wanted me to empty the filter cuz I might have a weapon in the toner. I laughed and handed him the filter, I said there is a trash can over there, you empty it and I will laugh my ass off while you are doing it, and I will not clean up after you. He hands me back the filter and says I guess it doesn't feel heavy enough to house a weapon. Right.....you bet you butt. Jerk #2. You can't go into counting room wearing a coat. So I take my coat off like I normally do. In the past I was given permission to leave my coat in the area between the security doors. Jerk#2 wouldn't let me do that he told me to leave it on a chair beside a slot machine. As if. I told him to contact the supervisor about my coat, he declined. So I started walking towards the exit. "Where you going? What about the copier?" I told him he would have to explain that to his supervisor why the copier isn't getting fixed. He radioed the supervisor and my coat stayed in the area between the security doors just like I told him. Arrogant turd. He didn't last long there either.

[tonerhead]

I've worked at two businesses now who have bosses that let the employees burn off a little steam now and then. One of the funniest things I have ever beheld was an after work spur of the moment party. The boss fired up the grill, threw on some burgers and there were some beers in the cooler. Those days we had a forklift that could get up around 30 in the air. Well the boss loaded up a big old console on the forklift, fired up the VanHalen and raised that SOB as high as the forklift would go over a rolloff. He started saying lets see how this bad boy will dance. He had it bouncing on the forklift until it did a high dive into the dumpster. Man it was like it exploded in there. Everyone was laughing and cheering. I think everyone left with a smile on their face that night.

Another time after work a group of techs asked the boss for an old copier to dispose of. They put it in a delivery van and piled in. They took it out of town and used it for target practice. Wish I could have been there for that one. That kept the troops smiling for a while. Any time there was a tough repair somewhere, someone was bound to say "I think we took the wrong copier out of town, it should have been this one"

Aaaahhhh, good memories.

[Debs1964]

Years ago I had a customer local to me with, I think, a Xerox 1038, the copier had a very intermittent fault with the DF, that myself and a colleague were trying to get to the bottom of, it only happened about once a week, and a reboot would clear it.
Anyway, after we had replaced every conceivable part, there was only the wiring loom to go, so I ordered the loom and set about replacing it. There I was at the rear of the copier with, what looked like, a mass of spaghetti hanging off it, when one of the male managers walked in, looked at me and asked if I knew what I was doing, so I calmly replied that I thought I'd been thrown in the deep end, that I'd only been with the company a week, and that this was my first call on my own. He went white and walked slowly out of the office. The women in the office all burst out laughing because we all knew he would not have asked that question if I had been a man.
Oh, and the wiring loom fixed it

[kingarthur]

I've only ever "set fire" to one machine, it was a Bizhub 420, i'd been working on it, turned it on, and the whole machine lit up like a Christmas, there was a slight puff of smoke, and a burning smell. I started to discreetly look into what happened, then i noticed the customers looking under their desks and checking their sockets. I decided the best thing was to remove it to the workshop, where I plugged it in....and it worked fine. I then noticed a hole in the side of the mains lead, just where it goes into the machine, somehow it had blown a small hole in the side, and must have made the machine "live" very briefly.

I used to repair cash tills, and i had one very obnoxious customer, i'd been to fix his till the previous day, and he'd reported another fault, i took the printer out and a 10p piece fell out, i showed it to him, his reply "F*ck off....you put it there", i asked him what he'd just said, again....he told me to "F*ck off", so i did, i packed up my tool case and left his till in pieces. By the time i'd got back to work, he'd phoned up and reported me, my boss knew what he was like, but said I needed to go back and reassemble it, i said i would, but he should pay the bill when i got there, so he doesn't try and get out of it, the customer reluctantly agreed, so i went back, as i walked in, he threw a cheque at me....i told him i wanted cash, he insisted he was paying by cheque, again i said i wanted cash, as he could cancel a cheque, I wasn't going to open my toolcase until i was paid, it was a sandwich bar, and by this time the customers were queueing up and with out his till working, he was struggling.....he finally caved in.

[tonerhead]

Years ago in addition to copiers, we also serviced and installed drive through systems for fast food restaurants. This particular restaurant had "speed of service" installed with their system. What speed of service does is to start a timer at the order board, then the timer stops at the pickup window and starts a second timer which stops when the customer leaves the pickup window. The restaurant manager was barking that most shifts from 7 to close the timing was way off and we need to come and fix whatever the issue was. It just didn't make sense because the others were consistently fine and sometimes this particular shift was fine also. Now lets back up to the idea of what a speed of service does. It records the amount of time that a customer has to wait for the food and how fast they get it. So the lower the amount of time, the better according to mgmt. Well some employees were getting grilled because mgmt said they were not moving food fast enough according to this system. So how did it work? A car would break a beam as long as it was by the sign or window, when the beam was restored, the car had left the sign or window, makes sense right?

One night I parked in the lot and figured out why the stats were so off kilter.

Well some young employee figured this system out and as soon as the car left the order board, would open the pickup window, break the beam with his hand before the car pulled up. So in other words, you placed your order and got your food 2 seconds later. That's what it looked like to speed of service.

The next day I told the mgr what I witnessed, I'm pretty sure that kid probably got canned. I think I would have promoted him for his ingenuity.

[blackcat4866]

Years ago in addition to copiers, we also serviced and installed drive through systems for fast food restaurants. This particular restaurant had "speed of service" installed with their system. What speed of service does is to start a timer at the order board, then the timer stops at the pickup window and starts a second timer which stops when the customer leaves the pickup window. The restaurant manager was barking that most shifts from 7 to close the timing was way off and we need to come and fix whatever the issue was. It just didn't make sense because the others were consistently fine and sometimes this particular shift was fine also. Now lets back up to the idea of what a speed of service does. It records the amount of time that a customer has to wait for the food and how fast they get it. So the lower the amount of time, the better according to mgmt. Well some employees were getting grilled because mgmt said they were not moving food fast enough according to this system. So how did it work? A car would break a beam as long as it was by the sign or window, when the beam was restored, the car had left the sign or window, makes sense right?

One night I parked in the lot and figured out why the stats were so off kilter.

Well some young employee figured this system out and as soon as the car left the order board, would open the pickup window, break the beam with his hand before the car pulled up. So in other words, you placed your order and got your food 2 seconds later. That's what it looked like to speed of service.

The next day I told the mgr what I witnessed, I'm pretty sure that kid probably got canned. I think I would have promoted him for his ingenuity.

Our company would have given him a bonus, and required all other employees to cheat the system likewise. =^..^=

[Copier Whisperer]

You have to be exceeding careful with truck and trailer tire that have a split rim. They are referred to as widow makers. If you don't have a proper tire cage I would advise not to try inflating one. Watch the video closely at the 1:20 mark.

My father managed a trucking company and lost a driver who hit a curb with a semi tractor. He got out to inspect the damage to the tire. When he bent down to look at it, the wheel exploded taking off part of his head. It was a split-rim wheel.

[fixthecopier]

One day, many years ago, I was installing a power supply on a very old Minolta. It was plugged into a power strip along with a pencil sharpener. I unplugged the strip and started the repair. I was in a classroom of second grade students with a very old teacher who had no control over them. They were yelling and talking and having a great time. While putting in the power supply a boy walked up to sharpen his pencil. When it didn't work, he saw the strip unplugged and plugged it back in while my pliers were making contact. A loud bang, my arm flexed throwing the pliers across the room, hitting the wall while a very loud F bomb came out of my mouth. Nobody in the room noticed a thing, except for the terrified little boy staring at me.