What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

[Debs1964]

Just got off the phone with a customer that said the machine told them to call me.
I asked what code is showing.
She said no codes, but the machine told me to call you.

What do you mean the machine told you to call me.
It said to call your service rep.
It spoke to you???????
Yes, when did you install that?
Copiers don't talk, they just beep.

I asked what were they trying to do.

They were going off hook dialing a international number and the fax told them to call their service rep.

I had to take a few minutes to stop laughing.

I had to explain that it was the phone company telling her they can't place the call as dialed.

Then we laughed together for another few minutes.

I laughed out loud at that one

[logrady2331]

Customer: "My machine won't duplex a transparency." Me: "First thing, you can't duplex anything through the bypass. Second and most important thing: why would you duplex a friggin' transparency?" Customer : "Why not?" Me: "Um, it's clear? You might see both sides?" Customer: "Oh, now I feel stupid." Mission accomplished.

[kingarthur]

Customer logged a call today " We have noticed that if we scan to PC and the physical PC is NOT switched on it fails - how do we resolve?".......we gave the customer time to work it out for themselves before we phoned them...

[Hansoon]

Probably the same type of customer:

Quote:

Conversation between a WordPerfect user and a WordPerfect Customer Support employee: WPU -- Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. WPCSE -- What sort of trouble? WPU -- Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. WPCSE -- Went away? WPU -- They disappeared. WPCSE -- Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? WPU -- Nothing. WPCSE -- Nothing? WPU -- It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type. WPCSE -- Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? WPU -- How do I tell? WPCSE -- Can you see the "C:\" prompt on the screen? WPU -- What's a sea-prompt? WPCSE -- Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen? WPU -- There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type. WPCSE -- Does your monitor have a power indicator? WPU -- What's a monitor? WPCSE -- It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on? WPU -- I don't know. WPCSE -- Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? WPU -- Yes, I think so. WPCSE -- Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. WPU -- Yes, it is. WPCSE -- When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? WPU -- No. WPCSE -- Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. WPU -- Okay, here it is. WPCSE -- Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. WPU -- I can't reach. WPCSE -- Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? WPU -- No. WPCSE -- Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? WPU -- Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark. WPCSE -- Dark? WPU -- Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. WPCSE -- Well, turn on the office light then. WPU -- I can't. WPCSE -- No? Why not? WPU -- Because there's a power outage.

Hans

[nmfaxman]

Must be my month for stupid people.
Got a call that a machine won't print.
I called her up and asked what is the problem.

Me/ You say it won't print
Her/ right.
me/ can you print a test page?
her/ yes it prints, but it won't print when it is off.
me/ what do you mean it won't print when it is off?
her/ it used to print when it was off.
Me/ how can it print if it is off?
her/ it used to turn itself on and print, now it won't do that.
me/ It will wake up from energy save and print, but can't turn on it's main power and print.
her/ well it used to.
Me/ if it is off, how can it get the print job?
her/ it used to what can I do to fix it?
me/ try turning it on before you print.
her/ that is too hard, I will just buy an HP.
Me /that is fine, but they don't print when they are turned off either.

Stupidity should be painful.

[Lagonda]

A call is transfered to me from the meter reading girls, "can I help the customer print out the meter reading page?"
Talk the customer through pressing the User Tools button and scroll through the menus and press print, still nothing will print out.
"Hmm" says I "there might be a problem with your copier, I'll organise a tech"
"That will be good" she says "I do think it has a problem and its getting worse as the toner light was flashing and now its on solid" !!!!!!!!!!!!
I check the serial number on the data base and discover the customer is a modeling agency. I shall refrain from being sexist and make any comments about dumb blondes.

[Akitu]

"I do think it has a problem and its getting worse as the toner light was flashing and now its on solid" !!!!!!!!!!!!
I check the serial number on the data base and discover the customer is a modeling agency. I shall refrain from being sexist and make any comments about dumb blondes.

Comment inferred from subtext.

[Ikon Princess]

May be not the dumbest but... Went to a call and the machine needed a board so I order it. Come back to install the board. Customer asks me if I think it will fix their problem, I turn and look at her and reply I wouldn't have ordered it if I didn't think it would fix it. She just looked at me did a little giggle and returned to her hole. I hate people sometimes

[Tonersniffer]

If I had a pound/dollar for every time I heard this on an install, "so does it make the coffee?" In my head I think to myself A@$$#*£ES! One day I will say it out loud !

I always say "Yes, there is an option that does that and it delivers it to your desk!" After a couple 2 seconds of dumb looks I say "The option cost 80,000 dollars a year I will hand the coffee to you. Some days I wish someone would purchase that option.

[Phrag]

Fortunately, I cannot recall anything as stupid as a lot of you guys have come across. I'm in Australia, so less population density I suppose.

Actually, scratch that; I have had someone force cyan toner into a black toner slot in a C360. Being the nice guy I am, I decided to let it run for the rest of the day instead of force them to pay for a black dev unit.

But if I had a dollar for every time I heard "Is it Broken?", "Can we still scan?", "Looks like major surgery.", I'd retire. At 22.

When they ask me what was wrong, after I've fixed it, I usually explain what was wrong, how it affected the machine, and how it broke.