A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
There was a man who couldn’t stand his wife’s cat.
So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house.
He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.
The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home.
And again, the cat was there waiting for him.
‘This is impossible,’ said the man to himself. ‘tomorrow I’ll make sure he can’t come back!’
The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn – right, left, right, left, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home. A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It’s the husband, and he asks:
“Is the cat there?”
“Why, yes.” says the wife, “He’s been here quite a while, where are you?”
“Put that bastard on the phone, I’m lost and I need directions.”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.
“You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.”
The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled:
“From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.
Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong.
Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?”
“I certainly do,” said his wife calmly. “The Undertaker!”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the
husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”
His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your
dinner!”
Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook…”
Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again
Where's my daily dose of Joke of the Day?
Aye! Cut the crap
Here we go again
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?”
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“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot.
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“Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
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“Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree.
After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
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Police: “Open the door!”
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Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
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Police: “What? We don’t have balls!”
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Man: “I know.”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
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