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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4451
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by ZOOTECH View Post
    Sorry, this is a repeat from 2010 ( but is still funny);

    - TEXTING FOR SENIORS

    Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC
    (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you:.
    .
    think U will get a chuckle......



    ATD: At The Doctor's
    BFF: Best Friend Farted
    BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
    BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
    CBM: Covered By Medicare



    CGU: Can't get up
    CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
    DWI: Driving While Incontinent
    FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
    FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

    GHA: Got Heartburn Again
    IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
    LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
    OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
    WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
    You forgot FWIWG: Forgot Where I Was Going


  2. #4452
    Technician PJB's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Today, my boss wished me a great day...
    So, I Went home.

  3. #4453
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the barís patrons in exchange for a drink.
    The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick.
    After heís done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.
    A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesnít hit her with the stick.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

  4. #4454
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts bob marley's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop." The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars." The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup. The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars." The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money. The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet." The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done
    Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

  5. #4455
    Retired 5,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Adam Schiff walks into a bar carrying a duck under his arm, and the bartender says, 'hey, you can't bring your cockroach in here.' And Schiff says, 'this is not a cockroach, it's a duck, you moron', and the bartender says, 'I was talking to the duck.'

  6. #4456
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A parvenu says to an architect:
    - "I want you to build three swimming pools: one with cold water, one with warm water, and one without any water."
    - "Why would the third one not have any water?"
    - "Cuz some of my friends can't swim."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

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