The blonde went out to check her mailbox several times an hour every day.
One day a neighbor came and asked: ‘Why are you always checking your mailbox?’
The blonde replied: ‘Because my computer keeps saying “You’ve got mail”‘
Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again
A few more.
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Here's your printer BOB.
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Aye! Cut the crap
The other day I saw a radio for sale for $1, it had a sign on it that read "volume stuck on full".
I thought to myself "now there's a deal I can't turn down!"
Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals
to increase their diversity...
... "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But now, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A doctor, a philanthropist, and an engineer are playing a round of golf behind a group of blind golfers.
As they wait for the impaired golfers to painstakingly finish the next hole, the doctor says
"What a motivating sight. I'm inspired to start a clinic for visually impaired people in order that they might better pursue their dreams."
The philanthropist nods in agreement and says "That's a worthy cause. I will donate a large sum of money toward this clinic of yours."
The engineer says "Couldn't these guys play at night?"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
The Greeks vs. The Italians
The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”
The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”
The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”
And so on and so on for hours, until finally the Greek lights up and says....
“We invented sex!” The Italian nods slowly, thinks, and replies,
“That is true—but it was Italians who introduced it to women!”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Brunette: I'll be the first brunette to walk on Mars!
Ginger: I'll be the first ginger to walk on Venus!
Blonde: I'll be the first blonde to walk on the sun!
Ginger: You'll burn up if you try.
Blonde: Don't worry, I'll go at night.
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
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