Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4601
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A German, Dutchie and Frenchie are learning English.

    Day 1.
    Teacher: I want y'all to make a phrase with the words Pink, Yellow and Green.
    Dutchie: The painting has the colors pink, yellow and green
    Teacher: hmm, that's OK
    German: I wake up, see the Yellow sun and the Green grass and I think, this is going to be a Pink day!
    Teacher: Very good!
    Frenchie: The telephone goes "Green Green!", I Pink it up and say "Yellow?"

    Day 2
    Teacher: I want y'all the make a phrase with the verb "Look"
    Dutchie: I still haven't found what I'm looking for
    Teacher: From U2, very good!
    German: Look out, a car is coming
    Teacher: OK, that is nice too
    Frenchie: Look, I am your father
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  2. #4602
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Mother and father ponder sons future

    "I have an idea," said the father. As he puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the bible that means he'll be a preacher."

    So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.

    The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.

    Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the bible under his arm.

    "Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  3. #4603
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

    Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West
    Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
    KABOOM!

    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

    KA-BLOOEY!

    Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

    BULLS-EYE!
    "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there
    are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,........

    "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !!!!"
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  4. #4604
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    2 drunk guys:

    Dude, How much does a fart weight ?

    the other: Nothing, it's gas!

    Mmmmmmm, I think then I just shat in my pants.



    ----------------------------------------------------------------


    How do you get four old ladies to shout “****”?
    Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  5. #4605
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  6. #4606
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Bought a chicken to make sandwiches.
    It doesn’t, it just shits on the floor.






    Preschool rules and bar rules are the same,
    you pee your pants, you go home!
    Omertΰ

  7. #4607
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A brain and a set of jumper cables walk into bar and order a pitcher of beer.
    The bartender refuses to serve them, and asks them to leave.
    When the brain asks why, the bartender says, “Well, you’re clearly out of your head, and I think your friend is going to try to start something.”
    Omertΰ

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Wife: Honey can u please help me cleaning de garden?
    Husband: Do I look like a gardener?
    Wife: Sorry Honey, OK then fix de bathroom door.
    Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?...
    then de husband walks out. After coming from where he went, he found de garden clean and de door fixed
    Husband: I know my wife u can do this all by yourself
    Wife: It's not Me
    Husband: Who then?
    Wife: John our neighbour
    Husband: How much did u paid him?
    Wife: No money, he just gave 2 options, bread or sex
    Husband: Hope u gave him bread
    Wife: Do i look like a baker?

  9. #4609
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A frisky pastry guy got the sack for sticking his d!ck in the do-nut maker...



    A week later,she got the sack too!...
    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
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  10. #4610
    Senior Tech. 2,500+ Posts NeoMatrix's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Post in joke of the day......

    I went to a hardware store the other day to buy a can of paint and some galvanized screws. I'm standing in line waiting to get served. I'm confirming to social distancing rules, as there is a large "X" painted on the floor every 1.5 metres along each counter lane. I finally progress to the first "X" at the service counter. I look up to the young bloke serving at the counter and said " Standing on this large "X" makes me feel like Wyle Coyote out of the Road Runner show". I'm looking upward, dodging side-to-side and saying, " I'm expecting an Acme bomb to drop out of the sky"...

    The hardware store erupt with laughter....

    No kidding....
    What if we could count the stars... , what number would you stop at...?"
    [Exchange manual acquisitions, PM's CTN members only. ]
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