Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4791
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    22,895
    Rep Power
    662

    Re: Joke of the Day


  2. #4792
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    22,895
    Rep Power
    662

    Re: Joke of the Day


  3. #4793
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    22,895
    Rep Power
    662

    Re: Joke of the Day


  4. #4794
    Technician Simphony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    29
    Rep Power
    4

    Re: Joke of the Day

    "Smiles" is the longest word in English. Because there is a whole mile between its 1st and last letters

  5. #4795
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    22,895
    Rep Power
    662

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Simphony View Post
    "Smiles" is the longest word in English. Because there is a whole mile between its 1st and last letters

    Groan.jpg

  6. #4796
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    slimslob's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Bakersfield, CA
    Posts
    22,895
    Rep Power
    662

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

    This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”


    The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

    The woman continued,

    "And look at this, here's another miracle.

    My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year-old scotch didn't break. Surely, God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune."

    Then she handed the bottle to the man.

    The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.

    The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

    The man asked "Aren't you having any?”

    She replied “Nah, I think I'll just wait for the police"

    Many years ago, Adam ate the apple.

    Men will never learn…….

  7. #4797
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,616
    Rep Power
    240

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  8. #4798
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,616
    Rep Power
    240

    Re: Joke of the Day

    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  9. #4799
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,616
    Rep Power
    240

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Highlights from the old Hollywood Squares game show...

    Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

    A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

    Q. Do female frogs croak?

    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?

    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

    A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?

    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

    Q. What should you call a group of dancers in a ballet?

    A. Paul Lynde: Silly savages.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  10. #4800
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    5,616
    Rep Power
    240

    Re: Joke of the Day

    Back in the 70's, a jet manufacturer was trying to build a jet that would go Mach 4 (4 times the speed of sound for non-aeronautical types). Finally after many years of design, the jet was finished. A test pilot took it out for its maiden flight. Everyone gathered around ... and the plane went to Mach 1 ... Mach 2 ... Mach 3 ... Mach 3.5 ... and the wings ripped off, the plane hit the ground and killed the test pilot.

    The engineers went back to the design and spent months re-vamping it. They came out with the new and improved second version, but when they tested it, it had the same disastrous results: the plane's wings ripped off and the pilot was killed in the crash.

    The engineers went through 7 iterations, until finally they were about to give up. They decided to contact Bob, a retired engineer with the reputation of being able to fix all problems.

    Bob comes in, asks to see all the design figures, charts, and drawings, and takes them home to study them. He calls the next day and says he has discovered a solution to the problem: drill holes vertically through the wings at the exact spot where they attach to the body.

    At first everyone argues - the wings are ripping off now, why drill holes to them? but Bob insists that it will work. So eventually, they give in and do it. The jet is tested later that day and not only does it reach Mach4, but it goes to Mach5.3 before the test is declared over and successful.

    All the engineers rush to Bob and congratulate him for his uncanny ability to discover the solution. "How did you know?" asks one of the engineers.

    "Well, I'll tell you. I was on the toilet, and it occurred to me - toilet paper never tears along the perforations."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Get the Android App
click or scan for the Copytechnet Mobile App

-= -= -= -= -=


IDrive Remote Backup

Lunarpages Internet Solutions

Advertise on Copytechnet

Your Link Here