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A man and his wife have four beautiful daughters.
They decide they want one more child. Sure enough, nine months later they have a fifth.
Overjoyed when he can finally see it, the man looks at it in the nursery of the hospital, and it is the ugliest child he has ever seen in his life. He talks to his wife and says,
"There is no way that child is mine! We have four beautiful daughters! Have you been cheating on me?"
She says "Not this time, honey."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night, she looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit (well more than a bit), we had a snuggle, and she asked me if I ever had a "sportsman double?"
"Whats that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
"Oh," I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't."
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night.' I went back to her place and walked in hoping for the best night of my life. She puts on the hall light and shouted upstairs,
"Mom, you still awake?"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.
He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
"May I help you?"
"I can't see a toilet for my gender identity, only for men and women."
"Here's a tampon for you."
"But I don't have a vagina."
"Gents it is, then."
When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.
I used to work in the cafe at a nudist colony, and I was the most popular guy there. Mainly because I could carry two cups of coffee, and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.
When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.
And bagels?Originally Posted by skynet
Yeah, but that would be bragging.
When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.
"So whats your question?"
SO FUCKING TRUE!!!
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