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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #5031
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by tsbservice View Post
    I know this was published maybe even by me but it still a hell of fun

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
    conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
    the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
    the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
    what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
    before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
    humor!
    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
    submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
    engineers.
    (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
    (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    That may sound funny to the ignorant and uninformed but they can have tragic results. I watch a program on the Smithsonian Channel called Air Disasters. A recent one was about Nigeria Airways Flight 2120 that caught fire shortly after takeoff from Kuwait City in 1991 killing all 247 passengers and 14 crew members on board. Cause of the fire, mechanics decided that they did not have the time to replace worn tires on the landing gear. Nigeria Airways Flight 2120 - Wikipedia

  2. #5032
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    That may sound funny to the ignorant and uninformed but they can have tragic results. I watch a program on the Smithsonian Channel called Air Disasters. A recent one was about Nigeria Airways Flight 2120 that caught fire shortly after takeoff from Kuwait City in 1991 killing all 247 passengers and 14 crew members on board. Cause of the fire, mechanics decided that they did not have the time to replace worn tires on the landing gear. Nigeria Airways Flight 2120 - Wikipedia
    Agree, in real life that must only be left as a joke not practice.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  3. #5033
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
    Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
    When his Dad came home Billy said,
    "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
    His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
    "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
    A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling,
    "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
    "What do you mean?" said Dad.
    "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,
    "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  4. #5034
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office inWest Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors.
    An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle

    prize and was writing to say thank you.

    This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you

    know who might need a lift today.



    Dear Lions Bay School

    God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior

    Citizens luncheon.

    I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged.

    All of my family has passed away so I am all alone.

    I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

    My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio but, she would

    never let me listen to it.

    She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably,

    wanted to keep it safe.

    The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces.

    It was awful and she was in tears.

    She asked if she could listen to mine and I was overjoyed that I could

    tell her to fuck off.

    Thank you for that wonderful opportunity

    God bless you all.

    Sincerely

    Edna










  5. #5035
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Blonde has to answer a question in front of thousands of viewers, and she was “on the spot”

    80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
    A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
    The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”
    After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”
    Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
    The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”
    So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”
    After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”
    The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
    The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “OK! OK! Just one more chance – what is 2 plus 2?”
    The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
    Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…
    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

  6. #5036
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  7. #5037
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  8. #5038
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts bob marley's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.
    The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for
    30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
    Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

  9. #5039
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  10. #5040
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

    A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core ****ographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

    After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

    However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.

    The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

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