Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #5051
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Escort Service

    Two old men go to an escort service. The madam asks them what they want. They say women. She asks, "How old are you?" They say their both 90.
    So she tells one of the girls to take them upstairs and put each of them in a room with a blow up doll. So they go upstairs and do their thing.
    When they come back downstairs the first old man asks the other "How was it?" The other one says "I think she was dead, she just laid there, how was yours?" "I think mine was a witch." "A witch?" "Yeah, I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  2. #5052
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil B. View Post
    Ring of Fire was one of my favorites

    Zappa did a good remake of it

    Frank Zappa - Ring of fire - YouTube
    Phil bulls eye with Zappa...but I'm afraid we will quickly turn my favourite thread into something else
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  3. #5053
    Service Manager 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by tsbservice View Post
    Phil bulls eye with Zappa...but I'm afraid we will quickly turn my favourite thread into something else
    sorry brother

  4. #5054
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Talking to a guy in an Irish pub. Says to me, "D'ya see that bridge over there? I built that bridge with these two hands... But do they call me Chauncy the bridgemaker? No.... Do ya see that house across the road? Built that house with me own two hands. Do they call me Chauncy the carpenter? ...No Do you see that beautiful cobblestone road out there? Laid every stone by meself, almost broke me back, I did... Do they call me Chauncy the cobbler? No.... But I tell ya... You f*** one sheep...."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  5. #5055
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    For a couple of months now, I've been getting to know a very friendly young lady who insists on calling me every evening for a chat.

    Earlier today, I plucked up the courage to ask her if I could masturbate to the sound of her sexy voice.

    I think that's the last I've heard of Anglian Windows.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  6. #5056
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.
    He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because, as decreed by his religious teaching,
    he must not listen to music because, in the time of the prophet, there was no music,
    especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

    The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.

    The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"

    The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis,
    so **** off and wait for a camel!"
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  7. #5057
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Father O'Connor keeps chickens in a coup behind the church. One Sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock's gone missing.
    He knows there's been cock fighting in the village so at mass he questions the congregation.
    "Has anybody got a cock"?
    All the men stand up.
    "No, No. I meant, has anybody seen a cock"?
    All the women stand up.
    "No, No. That's not what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock"?
    16 alter boys, two priests and a goat stood up...
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  8. #5058
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The zookeeper says to Paddy
    "The Gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with her... would you consider shagging her for 500"?
    Paddy replies "I will, on three conditions.
    Firstly, I don't have to kiss her. Secondly, my family will never get to know, and Thirdly, give me a couple of weeks to get the cash together".
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  9. #5059
    Retired 10,000+ Posts slimslob's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  10. #5060
    Senior Tech 100+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day


    Only a farm kid would see it this way!



    When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different.



    A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.



    "No, they went to town."



    "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"



    "No, he went with Mom and Dad."



    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."



    "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".



    The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.






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