Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

[slimslob]

[slimslob]

[Phil B.]

Order me one please.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

[roho]

Hell, that's when I know it's ready!

[slimslob]

[slimslob]

Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Pelosi , "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Pelosi .
"That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Pelosi , "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!" The teacher left the room

[slimslob]

[tsbservice]

The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

[tsbservice]

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with
your husband.



The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?"
All the women raised their hands.



Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.



The women were then told to take their phones and send the following text:



"I love you, sweetheart."



Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:


1. Who is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

3. I love you too.

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What did you do now?

7. ?!?

8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she??