Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #5911
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Three priests and three little boys are out in a boat when all of a sudden it starts to sink.

    The first priest says, "The boat's starting to sink, we've got to save the boys!"

    The second priest says, "F**k the boys!"

    And the third priest says,"Do ya think we have time?
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  2. #5912
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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  3. #5913
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
    The offenders had also drank all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes, then the guy says,
    "I can't believe they screwed my wife after only 5 beers!"
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  4. #5914
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    It's the AFL Grand final and a man makes his way to his seat right on the wing. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
    He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.
    'No,' says the neighbour. 'The seat is empty.'
    'This is incredible', said the man. 'Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for AFL Grand final and not use it?'
    The neighbour says 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first AFL Grand final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967.'
    'Oh .... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?'
    The man shakes his head 'No, they're all at the funeral.'
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  5. #5915
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    I seem to always remember the bad jokes and quickly forget the good ones.


    Here's one I heard not too long ago that I thought was funny:


    Wife: Honey, does my ass look fat in these pants?

    Husband: I'm not gonna answer that because if I say yes, you'll get mad.

    Wife: No I will not. You can tell me anything and I won't get mad.

    Husband: Really? I can tell you anything and you won't get mad?

    Wife: I promise I won't get mad.

    Husband: Okay...I fucked your sister last night.
    Embrace the process, not the outcome.

  6. #5916
    Service Manager 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

    Phil B.'s Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    Hopefully they are nuclear hot wings.

    Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

  7. #5917
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day


  8. #5918
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  9. #5919
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    English Teacher:
    “In English, a double negative forms a positive.
    “In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
    “However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
    A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah . . .right."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

  10. #5920
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
    A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
    Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
    The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:
    “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
    “My wife’s.”
    ”What happened to her?”
    “She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”
    He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”
    The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”
    A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
    “Can I borrow the dog?”
    The man replied, “Get in line.”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

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