Joke of the Day

**izzynut** · 11-25-2022

**izzynut** · 11-25-2022

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**izzynut** · 11-25-2022

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**izzynut** · 11-25-2022

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved, blah blah blah...

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie," she asked, "do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a fighter pilot with the Marines in Syria. Her aircraft got hit by enemy fire and she was forced to bail out over enemy territory. All she had was a flask full of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank all the whiskey on the way down, in case it got confiscated by Muslims, and her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 ISIS fighters. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last ISIS fighter with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens!,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you the moral of this horrible story actually was?"

"Stay the hell away from your mother when she's been drinking.”

**izzynut** · 11-25-2022

A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada about 2 miles West of Winnipeg. When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Brandon to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Mountie told the driver he was just fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a speeding ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Alberta got out and watched the performance briefly.
He then went over to the patrol car, pulled opened the rear door and then got in. The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk then replied to the Mountie .. You might as well take me to jail .. "Cause there's no way that I can pass that test"