Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's
been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says,
"Wait a minute, I see your problem......"

[Firthy]

Best joke I have heard in a while.

American Politics!

[FrohnB]

Youngest Son: Dad, what's the difference between 'hypothetically' and 'reality'?

Dad turns to wife: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.

Dad then asks the daughter: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Daughter: Oh my god, Yes! He's my fantasy.

Dad then asks the elder son: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Elder son: Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money!

Father turns back to youngest son: You see son, 'Hypothetically' we're sitting with 3 Millionaires, but in 'reality' we are living with 2 Prostitutes and 1 gay bastard!

[tsbservice]

Heaven v. Hell



Heaven:

• The police are British
• The cooks are French
• The engineers are German
• The administrators are Swiss
• The lovers are Italian

Hell:

• The police are German
• The cooks are British
• The engineers are Italian
• The administrators are French
• The lovers are Swiss

[izzynut]

Water.jpg

[tsbservice]

Water.jpg

Good one but I preffer this one

Red Bernard.jpg

[tsbservice]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, & I will inherit $200 million”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

[tsbservice]

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, “What seems to be the problem”?

“I’m out of gas.”

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out .

“Try it now,” said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow!” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my gas tank”?



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The bee answered, “BP.”

[tsbservice]

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, ‘What is a seven-hundred-ten?’
She replied, ‘You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..’

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked ‘is there a 710 on this car?’

She pointed and said, ‘Of course, its right there.’

If you’re not sure what a 710 is look below!

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[tsbservice]

When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man’s heart beats quicker,
and his throat gets dry,
he goes weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally.
-Ever wondered why?


…Because she smells like a new car!