Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #4551
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two men were talking about their wives:

    The first man says “My wife is an angel.”

    The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  2. #4552
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony.

    But being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men.

    After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this:

    "Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character. But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a dubious reputation."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  3. #4553
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.


    The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."



    So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old. Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."


    Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.


    “My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.


    The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."


    “What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.


    Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I’ve just killed the old cow."


    Don’t you just love a story with a happy ending?

  4. #4554
    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    When you think you have made a procedure idiot proof your company employs a better idiot.

  5. #4555
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks,
    “Is your date running late?”
    “No”, he replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..”
    The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
    The cowboy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
    The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
    “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
    The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
    The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  6. #4556
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A husband and wife were walking down a high street when the wife spots a beautiful diamond necklace in a jewelry store window. She urges her husband to go inside so that she can take a look at it. Although she wants it, he simply doesn’t have to buy it for her, but he promises that it’ll be hers one day.

    A month passes, and the wife is at home wondering where on earth her husband is. She angrily calls his cell phone.
    “Where the hell are you?” she asks.
    “Darling, you remember that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?”
    “Yeah, I remember that my love!” she replies, smiling and blushing profusely as she does.
    “I’m in the bar just next to that shop.”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  7. #4557
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A husband sent a text to his wife at night,
    “Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.” but there was no reply he received from wife…
    He sent another text, “And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary, at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car.”
    this time, She text back, “OMG really?”
    Husband replied,
    “No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message.”
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  8. #4558
    Copier Technician 1,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Two elephants full of a cliff

    Bom Bom

    Sorry not very good with jokes but I'll try
    Regards Mark

    FOR TRADE AND END USER SERVICE CALLS PLEASE VISIT WEB SITE FOR CONTACT DETAILS. COVERING GREATER LONDON {UK} AND ALL SURROUNDING COUNTIES.

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  9. #4559
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mga View Post
    Two elephants full of a cliff

    Bom Bom

    Sorry not very good with jokes but I'll try
    Go ahead

    Bom Bom
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  10. #4560
    Retired 10,000+ Posts
    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by mga View Post
    Two elephants full of a cliff

    Bom Bom

    Sorry not very good with jokes but I'll try
    Quote Originally Posted by tsbservice View Post
    Go ahead

    Bom Bom
    I remember when I was in Vietnam the local girls would ask "GI want Bom bom"

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