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This Farmer has a rooster that screws everything.
Chickens, birds, rabbits, everything. He told the old rooster if he didn't stop it he was going to screw himself to death.
A few days latter the farmer went out for a walk. He saw the Rooster laying on his back with his feet up in the air.
He went over to the rooster and looked down at him and said I knew you would screw yourself to death.
The old rooster opened one eye and went "Shhhhh buzzards".
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.“
“Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?” “Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks. “Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him,
“What was that for?”
Abe answers,
“They’ll find us!”
Why cats are banned from pirate ships!
Bad move!Originally Posted by slimslob
Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy responds, "Because I just love hearing it."
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
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