Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Political correctness

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America: Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as: 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as: APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS . And furthermore HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a:
' BREASTED AMERICAN. '

Those are not breasts, they are squeeze toys.

[Phil B.]

Those are not breasts, they are squeeze toys.

Fun bags ..
Udders..
Baby feed bags...
Personal Flotation Devices..

Oh this should be fun.

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[slimslob]

[Phil B.]

Perfect !!!!!

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[ZOOTECH]

Prevent the Spread of Disease!


Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?”
She continues, “I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
The pastor fainted.

[slimslob]

[Phil B.]

True dat!

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[slimslob]

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build theArk before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark."Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My homeowners association claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The labor unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it."

[KenB]

My across-the-street neighbors are getting rid of a lot of the clutter, trash and nick nacks that accumulate over the years. I give them credit.

Earlier today, I was working in my home office, and my wife was in the living room, and looked out the front window.

She said, “Oh look, Debbie set up a table in her front yard and she’s giving her junk away for free. Everybody is stopping to take a look.”

She didn’t realize what she said until it was too late.

I quickly grabbed my binoculars, knocked over my coffee cup, and almost tripped over both dogs in my scramble to get down the hallway.

Kinda awkward.

[slimslob]

My across-the-street neighbors are getting rid of a lot of the clutter, trash and nick nacks that accumulate over the years. I give them credit.

Earlier today, I was working in my home office, and my wife was in the living room, and looked out the front window.

She said, “Oh look, Debbie set up a table in her front yard and she’s giving her junk away for free. Everybody is stopping to take a look.”

She didn’t realize what she said until it was too late.

I quickly grabbed my binoculars, knocked over my coffee cup, and almost tripped over both dogs in my scramble to get down the hallway.

Kinda awkward.

I take it Debbie is very easy on the eyes.