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Originally Posted by slimslob
fucking fact checkers/community standards police!
1. My goal for 2021 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 34 to go.
2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese.
OK!, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza, are you happy?
3. How to prepare Tofu: (a) Throw it in the trash, (b) Grill some meat, chicken or fish.
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside, they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.
13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
14. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!"
All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know
what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?"
The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT??? I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!!!"
Everyone in the library looked at the girl in shock. The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."
That is not what is referred to when we mention "the liberal Kool Ade."
Outline this with black and call it blackcat
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
When he is fat and poor - he is a 🐖
When he is fat and rich - he is teddy 🐻
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
"When he is fat and poor - he is a 🐖
When he is fat and rich - he is teddy 🐻"
Before marriage, he is "spontaneous".
After marriage, he is "unreliable".
Before marriage, he is "strong and confident".
After marriage, he is "abusive".
Before marriage, he is "an artist".
After marriage, he is "lazy and can't hold a job".
Feel free to add more to the list...
Before marriage he was slender and rich.
After marriage he became fat and poor.
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