Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #5171
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    Joke of the Day

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by slimslob View Post
    A Scotsman and his wife walk past swanky restaurant
    “Did you smell that?” she asked her husband. “It smells absolutely incredible!”
    Being a “kind-hearted Scot,” he thought “what the hell…I’ll treat her!”

    So, they walked past the place again!
    Did they end up going 'Dutch Joke of the Day

    Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;

    “ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

    When I got fired, you were there to support me

    When my business failed, you were there.

    When I got shot, you were by my side.

    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

    When my health started failing, you were still by my side

    You know what?”

    “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    ”I think you’re bad luck.”

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    Service Manager 2,500+ Posts izzynut's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

    Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
    bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her
    lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in therealready.

    The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
    The man says, 'Yes, it is'
    Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

    Man - 'That's nice.'
    Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

    Man - 'No, thanks.'
    Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
    Man - 'OK, how much?'
    Boy - '$250'

    A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
    the closet together.

    Boy - 'Dark in here.'
    Man - 'Yes, it is.'
    Boy - 'I have a sand wedge.
    'The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

    Boy - '$750'
    Man - 'Sold.'
    A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your sandwedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice."

    Boy - 'I can't. I sold my ball and sand wedge, dad.'
    Father - 'What! How much did you sell them for?'

    Boy - '$1,000.'

    Father - 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is
    far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church so
    that you can confess.'
    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy go into theconfession booth.

    The boy says, 'Dark in here.'





    The priest says, 'Don't start that crap with me again. You're in mycloset now!'

  4. #5174
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  5. #5175
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  6. #5176
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  7. #5177
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    Re: Joke of the Day


  8. #5178
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    The teacher says, "OK class, I'd like you all to tell me what you need at home.

    "Susie says, "We need a computer"
    Wendy says, "We need a car"
    Johnny says, "We don't need anything Miss"
    Teacher says, "Come on Johnny, everyone needs something?"
    "No Miss, my sister came home with her new Paki boyfriend and my Dad said
    'That's all we bloody need!'
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  9. #5179
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    British humour

    Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper.
    Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you!"

    The human body has 7 trillion nerves.
    My husband manages to get on every bloody one of them!

    I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper"
    "Don't be silly," she said "You can borrow my iPad"
    That spider never knew what bloody hit it.
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

  10. #5180
    Service Manager 5,000+ Posts tsbservice's Avatar
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    Re: Joke of the Day

    A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"

    "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother.

    The young boy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the
    ass off his secretary."
    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.

    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

    I don't reply to private messages from end users.

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