Thanks: 
Likes: Since lockdown, there’s a lot less members of the Flat Earth Society....
when they were told to stay 2m apart, a few of them were literally pushed over the edge.
Dislikes: 0
Since lockdown, there’s a lot less members of the Flat Earth Society....
when they were told to stay 2m apart, a few of them were literally pushed over the edge.
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
A guy says to his mate "My wife asked me to pass the lip balm, but I got mixed up with the superglue"
"Oh?" Says his mate "What happened?"
"I dunno!…. She's not speaking to me"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
If you meet a girl that admits when she's wrong, and apologizes for her transgressions, and changes her ways,
Dump her! Because that's probably a Man! Women don't do that.
Omertà
Lady Penelope: "Parker"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my shoes"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my dress"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my bra"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "Take off my knickers"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "And,Parker......"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "And if I catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
If it is a man, then he has NO BALLS.Originally Posted by FrohnB
A husband and wife are having dinner at an extremely chi-chi restaurant in the city. Lobster tails, pate, stuff like that.
Right before the dessert course, this gorgeous young woman comes over to the couple’s table. She waltzes up and kisses the husband smack on the lips! She’s like, “I’ll see you later, tiger.” And she sashays away.
The wife freaks out, of course. “Who the hell was that?” she hisses.
“That’s my mistress,” says the husband.
“That’s it,” says the wife. “I’m done. Enough of this sham — I want a divorce!”
The husband chews his steak. A divorce would be very costly and disruptive. He takes a swig of wine.
“I can understand your desire to leave me,” he replies. “But consider: if we get a divorce, say goodbye to the country club. There will be no more skiing trips to the Alps. No more Bentley, no more Rolls. Yacht club, gone. Summers in Tuscany, gone. Your little side trips to Chanel will end. But the decision is yours.”
At that moment, the couple’s mutual friend Larry enters the restaurant with a sexy young thing on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with Larry?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
The wife take a bite of salad and says, “Well, ours is prettier.”
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
BREAKING NEWS
Police in Bradford last night pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car was taxed, MOTed and insured.
It wasn't stolen, and there was no stolen goods or drugs found in the vehicle.
The driver was sober, had a full licence and no points.
A West Yorkshire police spokesman said they had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time.
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don't reply to private messages from end users.
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
a woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
'wow,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?
'yep, they're all mine, ' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'sit down, terry.' all the children rush to find seats.
'well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.
well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named terry and the girls are all named terri.
in disbelief, the case worker says, 'are you serious? They're all named terry?
their momma replied, 'well, yes - it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school , i yell, terry! And when it's time for dinner, i just yell terry! And they all come a running. If i need to stop the kid who's running into the street, i just yell terry and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea i ever had, naming them all terry.
the social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'but what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch?
'then i call them by their last names.’
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
" Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
" You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks