Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.
It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

[izzynut]

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[izzynut]

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[izzynut]

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[izzynut]

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[slimslob]

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night”
She said, “Oh, that’s great! And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life sitting in church beside my wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She nodded and said, “Yes, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

[tsbservice]

Usually, the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound...
On the road it's the other way around as you can hear the car horn before the lights turn green.

[mrwho]

Attachment 50855

I don't get this one. Could someone explain? Thanks.

[ZOOTECH]

I don't get this one. Could someone explain? Thanks.

The DR who is going to operate on you is shaking hands with the coat hung up on a coat rack.

[mrwho]

The DR who is going to operate on you is shaking hands with the coat hung up on a coat rack.

Oooohhh - I assumed the doctor had just arrived and was hanging his own coat. Thanks.