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The fact that head and shoulders doesn't have a a body wash called 'knees and toes' disappoints me.
“First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire."
The teacher tells her students to tell a story with a moral in it. Little Johnny is waving his hand frantically saying “I have one and it’s a true story! Pick me, pick me.”
Reluctantly the teacher lets Johnny tell his story.
A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow, and suddenly the horse fell into quicksand. The horse says run and get the farmer! But the farmer was nowhere to be seen so the chicken drives the farmer’s BMW down and backs it up to the quicksand, throws the horse a rope and pulls him out. A couple days later the chicken falls into the same quicksand. The chicken tells the horse to run and get the farmer! But the farmer wasn't home. So the horse stands over the quicksand and says grab hold of my penis, the chicken grabs hold of his penis and is pulled out.
Suddenly the teacher is weirded out and asks him what the moral of the story is?
Little Johnny says, if you're hung like a horse you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.
“First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire."
Off to Italy
A young Vancouver woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the crew," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy
.
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me.
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Nanaimo Ferry."
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