Joke of the Day

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I often see ones that are the same color as tennis balls.

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A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, he told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy Moley, thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning.

My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson.”

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A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.


The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.


The guy signs the ticket angrily and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.


The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole !"


Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he has hired a lawyer to represent him.


On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.


Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?"


The officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."


Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"


"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."


"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"


"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."


"Aggressive and hostile?"


"Yes, Sir.


"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?" "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do."
How Often Can One Get An Attorney To Convict His Own Client?

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