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  1. #31
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts kingarthur's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    when i've finished a job, customers ask me if it's working...i never say yes...i always say "it appears to be", they ask me how long for, i reply,"it's guaranteed until i walk out of that door"
    Tip for the day; Treat every problem as your dog would.....If you cant eat it or f*ck it....then p*ss on it & walk away...

  2. #32
    Ghoulscout 500+ Posts Kidaver's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    Yeah I get the old "Well it's working because you are here." line all the time. I always tell them it's my special aura and then guarantee it until I leave the parking lot.
    "In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it."

  3. #33
    Service Manager 250+ Posts Zackuth's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    I tell the customers that the copier company puts a special chip in my arm that sends a signal to the machine to operate correctly.
    If at first you don't succeed, redefine success

  4. #34
    Field Supervisor 500+ Posts Bantams's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    I get asked "is it broken?" or "can I use it?" whilst theres no covers on the machine and lots of pieces scattered around where im working on it.

    Ive just stopped replying to them like whats the point?

  5. #35
    Senior Tech 250+ Posts
    Not so funny joke of the day.

    blsquires's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    i had a big government building i used to look after ,about 1000 staff and one copier .i got so fed up with the comments i made a sign and stuck it on the wall above the copier.
    twelve things your technician has never heard
    1/are you here again answer,no i am just a hologram.
    2/has the machine broken down again. answer, no i just thought i would come in and strip your machine down as i have nothing else to do.
    3/i know the machine is in a thousand bits but can i do one copy answer. no fork off.
    4/you should have an office here answer. if i wanted to work with morons i possibly would.
    5/we never had a problem with our old machine answer.of course you didnt thats why you got a new one.
    6/the last tech said it was damp paper ,but we wrung it out and it still jams answer, tip the water out of the paper tray and try again
    7/would a stick of dynamite help answer, only if you shove it up your rear end and light the fuse.
    8/you should be on the payroll answer,why has your company decided that it needs someone intelligent on the staff.
    9/our copies of invoices are getting lighter and lighter can you fix it answer,yes i will adjust your copier completely out of specs to save you buying a new ribbon for your dot matrix printer.
    10/this machine would make a good boat anchor answer.i would have thought if you cant afford a good machine a good boat would be out of the question
    11/you should be invited to the christmas staff party answer why do you want to punish me its not my fault if the machine keeps getting broken
    12/the technician was only here a couple of weeks ago answer,how many months equal a week in the calender you are working from.

    it deffinately stopped the silly questions and i even used to get good morning from most of them

  6. #36
    Geezer Tech Copier Whisperer's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    While working on a copier in a church, and having the service manual open, the pastor said in a very condescending voice "I thought you knew how to work on these. Why do you need a book?" I looked directly in the eye and responded "Why do YOU need a book?" With as much indignation he could muster, he simply left the room. I never saw him again.

  7. #37
    Service Manager 1,000+ Posts
    Not so funny joke of the day.

    nmfaxman's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Copier Whisperer View Post
    While working on a copier in a church, and having the service manual open, the pastor said in a very condescending voice "I thought you knew how to work on these. Why do you need a book?" I looked directly in the eye and responded "Why do YOU need a book?" With as much indignation he could muster, he simply left the room. I never saw him again.
    He can't memorize one book, does he expect me to memorize 30 manuals?
    Why do they call it common sense?

    If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?

  8. #38
    Field Supervisor 1,000+ Posts
    Not so funny joke of the day.

    Shadow1's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kidaver View Post
    Yeah I get the old "Well it's working because you are here." line all the time. I always tell them it's my special aura and then guarantee it until I leave the parking lot.
    Technician Halitosis - the machine wants me out of here asap, before I breath on it again.
    Be careful in teaching your children it is acceptable to abort an inconvenient unplanned pregnancy because they may also determine it is acceptable to euthanize an inconvenient elderly parent.

  9. #39
    Legendary Frost Spec Tech 2,500+ Posts
    Not so funny joke of the day.

    Akitu's Avatar
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1 View Post
    Technician Halitosis - the machine wants me out of here asap, before I breath on it again.
    I just tell them it's the new technician awareness feature they've been installing on all the copiers. 100% fault free operation as long as there is a tech in the nearby vicinity. When it doesn't work I tell them the technician awareness feature isn't working currently, and as a result there's something else out of whack with the machine.
    Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

  10. #40
    Technician
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    Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

    "WE need a new machine" I hear it all the time. my reply is always the same "I'm giving you a new machine 1 part at a time"

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