What was the Dumbest thing you've ever said / done to a customer?

[vincent64]

I would say something like "I just got this job this morning so I was trying to read up on how to fix copiers" or "Thank god you called, my boss was not going to bail me out of jail again, but he is short handed this week"

I like them, lord only knows the hell it would cause if I used either of them.
I just love the way customers take and twist words, or the salesman tells them one thing, and we have to tell them the TRUTH about it.
Shakespear sorta had it right, kill all the lawyers then all the salespersons.

[atwageman]

I had another scenario years ago and it I thought for sure it was gonna cost me my job. We all have at least one customer that is NEVER happy about anything. I asked a lady....."who lit the fuse on your tampon?", because whatever your problem is, moving forward you will never take your issues out on me again.

To my astonishment not a word was ever said to me by my superiors. And the lady did treat me a lot better moving forward. I was told she had issues at home and would take out her problems on other people rather than dealing with the source.

[Shadow1]

I asked a lady....."who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

ROFLMAOBCOMN (Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off Blew Coffee Out My Nose)

I'm gonna steal that one... I'll try to have somebody post funeral arrangements in my absence.

[Dusterman]

Not quite the dumbest ....... but ..........

With business as bad as it's ever been ......... I walked straight up to a office manager / owner and fired her and her company.........!!
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She called 2 days later explaining that it had been her teenage daughter using her name , demanding service and not in the 2 to 4 hour time that I had always offered them ......... but now ........ immediately and if I didn't comply she would fire me and let everyone she knew that we were a bad service provider.
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She would however, accept my apology , in front of the same ones that heard my tirade 2 days prior.
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I explained that not only was her daughter the last straw ....... the chances of me ever apologizing either in person or on the phone were about the same as hell freezing over ...............
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Finally her husband calls me and gets rude, I also exlained to him the proper proceedure to insert my foot in his backside....[ him a weasle and 5'7" and about 120lbs with mouth open - me 245lbs and 6'2" hmmmmmm ].... he was then a little more reasonable ......... and asked that I repair the HP 4000 .......... of course at no charge as they had already paid me once that year to fix it ! !
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I then went on to explain that they indeed had not paid me for the repair 6 months prior, but that in fact the ro was still unpaid.......... turns out that the jerk had put me on speaker phone ......and was baiting me the whole time with some of the other business folks in the same building listening.
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Oh well ....... he got his ..........by costing me other business and I got a great deal of satisfaction in actually firing the moron.
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[pacman]

I asked a lady....."who lit the fuse on your tampon?",

LMFAO!

WOOOOOOOOOOOW! That one might get stolen twice!

[mjunkaged]

I win!!

OK guys:
I will not name names, but an employer had bounced my check for the 2nd or 3rd time or was unable to deliver it by payday, I can't remember, something like that.
Anyway, after I got my 'wonderful news' about not being paid for working hard every day, I had to call a customer to give them an ETA on my cheap cell phone. I hung up the phone, put it down, and proceeded to launch into a 5 minute-long profanity-laced tirade about what a ****** my employer was and etc, etc. etc.
I looked down to see that once again, my phone had not actually hung up when I pressed 'end'.
I picked up the headset and stuck it in my ear. The customer, of course, when queried, had heard enough!!
Yikes!!! Was tough tough tough to walk into that account after that! Heck, I've been doing this for over 22 years, I bet I have forgotten even MORE embarassing stunts I've pulled! Hopefully I've learned from each one, but sometimes, I wonder.....and sometimes, I just plain didn't give a krap anymore!!! =oD

[Shadow1]

One of these days my sense of humor is going to get me in BIG trouble - fortunately not today...

I was vacuuming up a big toner spill in a major account and a few of the women in the office were a bit annoyed with all the noize. For such situations my standard line is "Most of the time people are so amazed to see a Male who actually knows how to run a vacuum cleaner they forget about the noize... and no, I'm not gay!"

But the guy in the office next to the coper was gay. Flaming actually.

Fortunately he had a good sense of humor and I had been servicing their copier for years, so we sorta knew eachother. He came out of his office, puffed up with mock indignation, and read me the homosexual version of the riot act - hilarious, actually - wish I had a video camera.

Not to be outdone, I snapped my fingers at him, and did my best gay impression "Bitch!"

Everyone ended up laughing, but I could just as easily gone down in flames.

[mrwho]

Maybe he, you know, liked you?

[DadO]

Mybe u to have some hidden agenda mrwho (joke )

i Think this is no job "gay" can do.It's dirty to much so i have no worries.

I (at least jet) didnt have much of a scene, saying something in front costumer but a lot of time poor car gets all the frustration i gathered after servicing. Nothing I'm proud on it since there's some bumps on the dashboard i collected .

[Shadow1]

Maybe he, you know, liked you?

Not this time, but I had annother account that did. Guy wouldn't quit hitting on me - must have had serious issues. Why can't I find girls like that.

Needless to say that's one of the only customers I will admit to giving pitiful service. I also double teamed the call if I could - it was an old color machine so it wasn't unusual to have 2 techs to speed up the PM, and I was really glad to have somebody there to "cover my butt."

[mrwho]

I must admit that I think (yes, because most men, as my wife puts it, don't see it when people, boys or girls, are interested on them) that, on a couple occasions, there were two guys that supposedly were trying to impress me.

One of those times, a short while ago, I was with my colleague, who mocked me, saying "Yeah, that gay was interested in you!" to which I replied "Well, that just proves that I'm more attractive than you."

I'm not the least bit bothered - I see it as a compliment. It's the same thing I tell my wife and other women when they get a little bothered when guys start looking at her or throwing pickup lines - It's a compliment.

But, back to the original thread subject, I think most of us techies know how far we can go with our customers - some customers (let's call them A) you can say whatever you fancy, they throw a good laugh and you go on with your lifes, and others (B) you must double-check what you're about to say, or things can go awry.

I'll give you an example: an ex-colleague of mine was the kind of man (somewhat macho, if you get my drift), who would think that if a woman is smiling at you then she's interested in something more than smalltalk. Basically, to him, a girl is either a nun or a whore. So, he went to this customer where there's this nice girl who was always nice to you but, in reality, you should always keep a professional conversation and don't go further than the innocent innocuous occasional joke. Or, put in another way, what appears to be an A customer was, in reality, a B one.

So, there he was, talking about the machine, when she smiled at him. So, he threw a pickup line - without success. She not only sent him out, but also told his boss that she never wanted him back and, finally, the company where she works terminated the contract and changed to another brand.

So, keep your eyes open out there - it's a minefield!

[DadO]

the company where she works terminated the contract and changed to another brand.Mybe she did it on purpose

[mrwho]

I seriously doubt it. I know the customer in question and I do know that ex-colleague of mine (he wasn't fired, I work for another company now) and I sincerely doubt that.
It didn't happen overnight. First she threw him out, then, a couple of months later, they terminated the contract - and, since they were customers for so many years, I don't think that was a coincidence.

[fixthecopier]

As soon as one of the other techs showed me the work order she was given, I knew I would post it. It was a Ricoh warranty call and it was a call back . I guess we sent someone last week. The customer requested a different tech from the one that showed up. It seems that in response to the problem they were having, his reply was " it is supposed to do that once in a while". I think it was a jam problem. That kind of answer is right up there with "run it a while and that line will probably go away"

[Lagonda]

Well shut my mouth!

The dumbest thing I ever said to a customer? How about "I can fix your copier........."

No actually the quip that almost got me in to trouble was when a customer was giving me a hard time over his Nashua 3133 (remember them, shudder!) when he said ".....and I'm a personal friend of your Managing Director" to which I replied " well, that denies that rumour" Well it did filter back to our MD that one of his techs thought he was incapable of forming interpersonal relationships but fortunately he never worked out which one it was.