comic relief

[Copier_Guy]

That Office Stress is some funny stuff.

Here's some stuff that will stress you out.

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

[ZOOTECH]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

[CMB]

Jose and Carlos frequently panhandle for cash at the freeway off-ramp.

Carlos usually only brings in a few dollars a day, while Jose drives a Mercedes,

lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of extra money to spend.

So one day, Carlos asks Jose, "I can barely collect a few bucks each day.

How can you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at YOUR sign".....

Carlos' sign reads: "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support".

Then Jose says, "Now look at MY sign".....

Jose's sign reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

[ZOOTECH]

Sorry, another 'dumb blonde' joke.

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades
while on vacation.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the
worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't
you go on and give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the
same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in
hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature
and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its
back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, 'CRAP!
THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'

[CMB]

hillary clinton on gun control

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by some as more than just a little self-righteous. At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids in the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence,
she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies
from gun violence.'
A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet saying. "Well, stop clappin', ya stupid B_____"!