Joke of the Day

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Christmas Shopping

A husband and wife are Christmas shopping at a busy shopping mall the weekend before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and, as they had a lot to do, called him on his cell.











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A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 pm when he found the CEO standing in
front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my
secretary is not here. Can you make this work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the shredder, inserted the
paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine,
"I just need one copy."

Lesson: Never, never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

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URGENT!!!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
If you get WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!
This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Then, take two good friends to the nearest liquorstore and purchase one or all of these three antidotes - Really Urgent Medicine (RUM), Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE)
or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to at least five of your friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

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The MANY ROADS OF LIFE on this Thoughtful SATURDAY.

AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM (read to the end)

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . . . Having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

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