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Re: Joke of the Day
The Winter Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?
The little boy asked for help, and she could see why. Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a real sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were!
Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, together they worked to get the boots back on and this time on the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream. 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to shout.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, where are your mittens?'
He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
She'll be eligible for parole in about three years-time.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Irish Golfer
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,a big bump on his head, and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asks.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, for reviving me, ye gets three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers.'I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach into my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment,and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
'C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I choked on a carrot this morning, and all I could think of was, "I'll bet a doughnut wouldn't have done this to me."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.Comment
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