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My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus. Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, aghast and dismayed.
My wife asked me if I seen the dog bole. I said I didn't know he did.
I asked my wife when was her birthday. She said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again.
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything
What did the duck say when he bought chopsticks? Put it on my bill.
What pronouns does chocolate use. Her/She
I told my wife she needs to embrace her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
I'm writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don't by it.
A guy told me there was a shark attack today. The shark took out his whole left side. Couldn't believe it when he told me he was all right.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii? Or just a-lo-ha.
I'm making a documentary on how to fly a plane. We're currently filming the pilot.
I wanted to start a new diet. But I just feel I have way too much on my plate right now.
My dog accidentally ate a whole bag of scrabble tiles. So I took him to the vet. No word yet.
If a child refused to nap. Are they resisting a rest?
I got fired from the bank today. A woman asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her.
Why is "Dark" spelled with a K? Cuz you can't "C" in the dark.
I used to work at a Pepsi Cola plant. But I left because it was so depressing.
Someone took my anti-depressant pills. I hope they're happy.
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