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Joke of the day
Joke of the day
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The Dentist
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his speech.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office?
I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."Comment
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A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation:
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said: “It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said: "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said:
"You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said:
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch:
"I hope not; it's only 21:30 now."
Gotta love military time!
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The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a
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Herd of cows,
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Flock of chickens,
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School of fish
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And a Gaggle of geese, and
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A Pride of lions.
However, less widely known is:
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A Murder of crows
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An Exaltation of doves
And, presumably, because they look so wise:
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A Congress of owls.
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Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.........And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not … A Parliament
YEP....A PARLIAMENT OF BABOONS!
Pretty much explains everything doesn't it?
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She was outside pulling weeds on a hot-summer day when her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.
Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air-conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer. His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?" "Huh? I thought you were out of town."
Makes perfect sense to me!
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